The Red Potion of Love
by Inazuma Ichigo
Summary: When an elderly woman appears in Konoha selling love potions, Naruto decides to test one on Sakura. Unfortunately for him, things don't go as planned, and soon the rest of the village is pulled into a tangled web of love, jealousy, and useless (sometimes creepy) shows of affection. Humor with a side of romance and a dash of drama. Summary extended in author's notes.
1. Cherry Blossom Romance

**Summary: When an elderly woman appears in Konoha selling love potions, Naruto decides to test one on Sakura. Unfortunately for him, things don't go as planned, and soon the rest of the village is pulled into a tangled web of love, jealousy, and useless (sometimes creepy) shows of affection.**  
**Humor with a side of romance and a dash of drama. Rated T for minor suggestive themes. There is technically no main character, for it focuses on several different characters.**

**This story takes place in Shippuden, sometime after the Sasuke and Sai arc, but the exact time is not important. I am pretty new to writing comedy, but I have already written the next few chapters and I promise that I have improved. Please note that I do not necessarily ship all the characters "paired" in this story; most if not all of them are matched up for laughs or because I feel it could be interesting to see them together (at least in the confines of this story). Constructive criticism will not only be accepted, but appreciated as well.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Cherry Blossom Romance**

Naruto lifted the vial to his eyes, peering through the glass at the pink-red liquid inside. He looked skeptical but interested.

"You mean this will really make someone fall in love?" he asked the graying woman behind the table. She smiled at him with a mischievous look in her eye.

"Of course," she said. "Anyone who drinks it will fall in love with the first person they make eye contact with. If you use the whole vial, I guarantee it will work or your money back."

Naruto considered for only a moment before grinning and pulling out his wallet, Gama-chan. "All right! I'll buy one!"

The woman bowed slightly and accepted his money eagerly. "Good luck!"

Naruto pocketed Gama-chan and the vial of potion as he walked off, grinning wildly. Now, to find Sakura.

* * *

After over an hour of relentless searching, Naruto finally found her walking down a street by herself. Grateful that his search was over, he ran up to her, calling "Sakura-chaaaan!"

She paused and looked back at him. "Oh. Hi, Naruto."

"Let me buy you a drink!" he said.

"What?" Sakura looked scandalized. "I'm not going on a date with you!"

"It's not a date!" said Naruto quickly. "Just a drink! Come on, it's on me."

She crossed her arms. "All right."

The moment she turned away, Naruto grinned. _Step one of my ingenious plan: complete!_ he thought gleefully.

They made their way to the nearest teahouse and took seats at a small table, Naruto sitting directly to Sakura's left. Neither did much until their tea was served. Sakura took a sip and set her cup down, holding it between both hands and gazing down into it. Naruto watched her closely, but he saw no opening in which he could slip the potion into her tea.

Trying not to look impatient, Naruto glanced around the room. He saw Ino, Shikamaru and Chōji sitting nearby. This could be the perfect opportunity. He surreptitiously pulled out the vial from his pocket and unstoppered it, holding it under the table.

"What are they doing here?" Naruto asked loudly. Sakura looked up at him, then followed his gaze to see Team Ten looking back at them. Naruto hastily poured the entire potion into Sakura's tea. He stuffed the empty vial back into his pocket before Sakura looked at him again.

"Drinking tea, I suppose," she said simply. "What else would they be doing here?"

"Heh heh…right," said Naruto, scratching the back of his head. Sakura sighed and looked back at her tea. She looked suspicious at its redder color, but after a moment she seemed to shrug it off as her imagination and returned to looking upset.

"…Hey, Sakura-chan, what's wrong?" asked Naruto.

"It's nothing," she mumbled. Naruto crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. Glancing at him, Sakura gave in. "I was just wondering where Sasuke-kun is right now…"

"Oh." Naruto looked into his cup of tea as well. Sakura lifted her cup and took a long draft of the potion-tea solution. His heart leaping, Naruto looked at her once more, eyes wide. However, Sakura only set her cup down and closed her eyes.

"Naruto, what did you put in Sakura's drink?"

Naruto and Sakura looked at Shikamaru, who was now standing beside Sakura's chair with Ino and Chōji at his sides.

"W-what are you talking about?" asked Naruto, smiling in what he hoped was an innocent way. Ino looked annoyed.

"We all saw you, so don't play dumb!" she said. "Dumber than you already are, anyway!"

"Sakura, don't drink any more of that tea," said Chōji.

Sakura said nothing, still staring at Shikamaru. It was only then that Naruto remembered what the potion seller had told him about eye contact.

_Gah! They ruined everything! Now Sakura-chan is gonna be in love with—_

"Shikamaru," murmured Sakura, slowly standing up but not tearing her eyes away from him.

"Hm?" said Shikamaru. Sakura blushed. Ino raised an eyebrow.

"What are you staring at, Billboard Brow?"

Sakura ignored her completely. "You look handsome today," she told Shikamaru.

He blinked, glancing over Sakura's shoulder at Naruto's angry and panicky face. "Naruto, what did you give her?"

"Nothing!" said Naruto.

"Are you busy right now?" asked Sakura, oblivious to Naruto. Shikamaru walked around Sakura and stopped behind Naruto's chair. As Sakura turned to keep Shikamaru in sight, Naruto leapt out of his chair and stumbled around to the other side of the table to put some distance between him and Shikamaru.

"You slipped something into her tea," said Shikamaru. "Just tell us the truth. What was it?"

"This wasn't supposed to happen!" Naruto blurted out. "She was supposed to look at me first!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Ino.

"It was…it was a love potion," muttered Naruto.

"A _what_?" said Shikamaru incredulously.

"Shikamaru," said Sakura. "Are you listening to me?"

"And now she loves me? Tch! How troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.

"I just wanted to see if it worked!" said Naruto.

"Where did you get it, anyway?" asked Shikamaru.

"Some granny was selling them!"

"There are more?"

Silence fell. Shikamaru slowly looked at Sakura to find her still staring at him. Though her cheeks were rosy, she asked with determination, "Will you join me for dinner tonight?"

Naruto seemed to deflate, and Shikamaru stood speechless and perturbed. He realized that Sakura was drawing closer and closer even as he stepped back.

"…I gotta…do some stuff," he said, and with that, he bolted for the door. Sakura hurried after him, and then came Ino and Chōji.

"What stuff?" shouted Sakura, quickening her pace as he ran out the door.

Naruto stood there by himself, staring at the door even after Sakura, Ino and Chōji disappeared. Pulling out the empty vial, he looked at the kanji, "love", written on the glass. Was "love" the right term? "Obsession" seemed a bit more fitting—or was that just Sakura?

* * *

Shikamaru managed to escape from Sakura, and it did not take too much searching and asking around to find the potion seller. There she stood at the side of a street, behind a table that held several vials of love potion. She smiled as Shikamaru approached.

"Did you hear about my love potions?"

"Yes, I did," said Shikamaru. "You need to get rid of them."

"Whatever for?" asked the woman sweetly.

"They're causing trouble. You have to stop selling them before this gets out of hand."

"Trouble? Love isn't trouble!" She paused, smiling wider. "Did someone fall for you?"

"She's obsessed!" said Shikamaru.

"Don't you worry, it's not permanent. It's completely harmless! You should drink some yourself and relax, have a bit of fun."

"Fun? This is serious!" He stopped, clutching his head. Arguing was troublesome and unproductive. It was a real drag, but he would have to deal with this the hard way. He made to grab a potion, but the woman smacked his hand back with a closed paper fan.

"Unless you're buying, hands off," she snapped, and Shikamaru eyed her warily as he rubbed his hand.

"Shikamaru!"

He spun around and saw Sakura sprinting towards him. Paling, he turned and ran in the opposite direction. The potion seller threw out a hand when Sakura reached the table, and she paused, looking at the woman.

"How would you like to have him return your love?" she asked Sakura.

Sakura smiled wide.

* * *

"Shikamaru, you can't just keep running from her," said Chōji.

"I know, but did you see that crazy look in her eyes?" asked Shikamaru. "I doubt she'll listen to anything I have to say."

"You're the only one she'll listen to," said Ino. "She's ignoring everyone else."

Shikamaru sighed. "You're right… I'll give it a try. This is so troublesome…"

Sakura watched Shikamaru from behind a nearby tree, clutching the love potion firmly in her hand. She knew that Shikamaru was much too clever and vigilant to be tricked into drinking this potion, especially if she was around. He may also be powerful, but Sakura knew she had only one chance to make him love her, and she knew it had to be done by force.

Slowly, Sakura stepped out from behind the tree, holding both hands and the potion behind her back. She approached Shikamaru, who instantly turned to face her.

"Don't run," she said. "I just want to talk."

"Oh. Really? I wanted to talk as well," said Shikamaru carefully. Sakura smiled, feeling warm in the heart and face.

"I…I know I'm not much compared to you, but I'd like you to give me a chance."

"As if!" said Ino. Shikamaru said nothing, watching Sakura closely. She stopped in front of him and stared into his intelligent eyes.

"Would you have dinner with me?" she asked.

"…Listen, Sakura," said Shikamaru. "What you're feeling isn't real. It's just the effect of a potion that makes you obsess over the first person you look at. You don't love me, and you'll only be embarrassed after the effects wear off, especially if you do something—"

"I thought you'd say no!" cried Sakura, and she unstoppered the vial, swiftly pulling it out from behind her back and plunging the opening into Shikamaru's mouth. Caught off guard, he stumbled back as she grasped his face and forced the potion down his throat. Ino and Chōji gaped and stepped back as Shikamaru was shoved to the ground, Sakura falling on top of him and holding the vial and his face still. By the time Shikamaru managed to throw her off and spit the vial out, he had already swallowed the entire potion. Rolling over and pushing himself up off the ground, he coughed harshly, half-hoping he would throw the potion up.

"Shikamaru!" said Ino and Chōji, rushing to help him. He shut his eyes and lifted a hand to stop them. Instead, Sakura tackled him back down and tried to force his eyes open. He tried to get her off as he continued to cough, squeezing his eyes shut. Chōji ran over and dragged Sakura off of him.

"No! Shikamaru, look at me!" she said, squirming.

"Are you okay?" asked Ino, helping Shikamaru to his feet.

"I've been better," he muttered, keeping his eyes firmly closed. "This is just great…"

"The potion won't do anything unless you look at someone, right?" asked Ino.

"I can't just walk around with my eyes closed all day," said Shikamaru.

"How long until the effects wear off?" asked Chōji, still restraining the struggling Sakura.

"I have no idea."

"Let me go!" shouted Sakura, and she brought her foot down hard on Chōji's toes. He yelped in surprise and pain, and Sakura managed to hurl him over her shoulder, sending him straight for Ino and Shikamaru. Ino grasped Shikamaru's arm and jerked him out of the way; Chōji crashed into the building behind them.

"Chōji!" said Shikamaru, almost opening his eyes but stopping himself. Sakura turned to him and saw Ino's hands around his arm.

"You!" she snarled at Ino, her eyes suddenly ablaze.

"Chōji's fine—let's get out of here," said Ino, and before Shikamaru could say a word, she ran off, dragging him along. Sakura gave chase at once.

"Get back here!"

"Stay away from him, stalker!" Ino shouted back at her, turning the corner sharply. Not expecting the turn, Shikamaru almost tripped, but he kept up with Ino and kept his eyes closed. The chase continued for several minutes before Ino and Shikamaru managed to slip into an alley unnoticed.

"Thanks, Ino," said Shikamaru, breathing heavily as they came to a stop.

"No problem," she said. "Just keep your eyes shut."

"I'll have to open them eventually. Could you find out when the effects wear off? Maybe that woman who's selling the potions will tell you."

"I hope so," sighed Ino. "Stay here and don't open your eyes no matter what! I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Right."

She released his arm and hurried off. Shikamaru reached out his hand, found a wall, and leaned against it. If he was going to be temporarily blind, he may as well limit the number of directions from which Sakura could sneak up on him. He kept his ears open for even the smallest sound. If he could detect someone approaching, he could probably stall them with his Shadow Imitation Technique.

Sooner than expected, he heard several pairs of footsteps and he instantly formed the rat hand seal, sending his shadow toward the sources of the sound.

"What the—Shikamaru! What's the deal? Let us go!"

"Kiba?" said Shikamaru.

"Who were you expecting?" asked Kiba. "And why are your eyes closed?"

"Long story." He lowered his hands, retracting his shadow and freeing them.

"Why are you hiding in an alley?" came Shino's voice.

"Sakura's after me," Shikamaru muttered.

"Um, why?" asked Kiba blankly.

"She drank a love potion. She's obsessed with me and now I…I can't open my eyes or I'll fall for the first person I see."

"…Love potion?" Kiba failed to stifle a snicker. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"I wish," sighed Shikamaru.

"You're serious?" said Kiba.

"Shikamaru!"

Startled by Sakura's shout from the other end of the alley, Shikamaru cursed under his breath and ran the other way. Unable to see where he was going, he ran straight into someone, and the force of the impact sent them crashing to the ground. He landed on top of the person, and when instinct prevailed over his self-control, he opened his eyes. He would have regretted it had he not opened them three inches away from the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.


	2. Love Makes Fools of Us All

**Chapter 2: Love Makes Fools of Us All**

He had never before noticed how beautiful those white eyes were. They stared deeply up into his own eyes, and the moment seemed to last forever before he realized that Hinata's face was redder than the sunset and he was still on top of her. Sakura's scream of rage pierced his ears as she grabbed him and flung him off of Hinata. Shikamaru flew through the air and collided with Kiba and Shino like a bowling ball knocking over pins. Akamaru barked loudly.

Shikamaru slowly sat up, rubbing his aching back. He froze when he saw Sakura stomping toward him with her hands in fists and jealousy blazing in her eyes.

"YOU LECHER!"

"It was an accident!" said Shikamaru hurriedly, trying to stand up and move backwards at the same time. He stumbled to his feet and backed into a wall. Sakura seized his neck and glared madly into his eyes. He stared back. Slowly, Sakura's anger ebbed away and she let him go.

"I'm sorry…" she mumbled, looking away. "I don't know what came over me. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No," said Shikamaru, glancing over Sakura's shoulder. Hinata had stood up and turned away, her burning face in her hands. Shino was beside her now, asking if she was all right, but Kiba was facing Sakura.

"You're crazy!" he said.

Sakura looked at Shikamaru and blushed, but he walked around her and over to Hinata.

"Are you all right, Hinata?" he asked. She turned around and lowered her hands, but her face was still red.

"I-I'm fine!"

"That's good." Shikamaru smiled in relief. Shino stared at him.

"You drank a love potion too?" asked Shino. Hinata avoided Shikamaru's gaze.

"Yeah," he replied distantly. Shikamaru knew that this was not real love, but he had never felt anything like it before. He could not look away from Hinata's face. He could not focus on anything else; she enchanted him.

"Is there an antidote?" asked Hinata.

"Unfortunately not," said Ino.

She had returned with a concerned Chōji, Naruto, who looked guilty, and Kakashi, who looked weary but bored.

"She wouldn't give me a straight answer about when it'll wear off, either—" Ino stopped dead, seeing Shikamaru gazing at Hinata. "You opened your eyes?"

"It was an accident," said Shikamaru.

"Sakura-chan?" said Naruto. Sakura was staring at Shikamaru's back. Upon hearing Naruto's voice, Hinata blushed even deeper.

"Shikamaru," said Sakura, approaching him. "You're not in love with Hinata…are you?"

The hint of menace in her voice sent a shiver down Shikamaru's spine.

"Sakura," said Kakashi, walking over with Naruto. "Come with me. I'd like a word with you."

Sakura grasped Shikamaru's arm, but Kakashi intervened. He pulled her away and started dragging her off as she struggled.

"This isn't over!" she shouted, and Naruto nervously followed them. Ino and Chōji moved toward Shikamaru.

"Shikamaru?" said Chōji. "Are you okay?"

"I'm great," he said, still gazing at Hinata.

Kiba came closer. "Hey! Stop staring at her like that! You're even creeping me out! Let's go, Hinata. We don't have all day."

"R-right." Hinata followed Kiba and Akamaru. His presence apparently forgotten again, Shino only stood there for a moment before walking after them. Shikamaru watched them leave.

"I told you to keep your eyes shut," said Ino.

"He said it was an accident. Don't be so hard on him," said Chōji. He turned to Shikamaru again. "How are you feeling?"

Shikamaru said nothing, placing his hand over his heart and squeezing his chūnin vest slightly. Was this what love felt like? Just the thought of her face made his heart beat faster. He remembered her eyes staring into his, her lips inches away, and suddenly he felt his face grow warm. "How troublesome," he muttered, looking away.

But inside, he did not find the feeling troublesome at all.

* * *

Ino and Chōji accompanied Shikamaru home. He needed to stay in one place until the potion's effects cleared, for he could not do much of anything in his current condition; this became even more evident while they walked. There was a glazed look in his eyes, and although he kept them directed ahead, he had no idea where he was going. He walked into a passerby and a tree on the way, and his only response was to stand there looking mildly confused. His teammates had to give him a little push to get him walking again. They tried to talk to him a few times, but his mind was too far away for him to hear their voices. The only voice he heard was Hinata's, the imagined voice that whispered his name, and the image of her lovely smile burned into his mind's eye. He tripped and found his pink face in the dirt, his teammates rushing to help him up.

When they arrived at his house and went inside, Chōji had to remind Shikamaru to take his shoes off. Shikaku appeared and greeted his son, but Shikamaru walked past him without so much as a glance. Chōji and Ino awkwardly explained about the love potion as Shikamaru headed to his room. He plopped down on his bed and gazed up at the ceiling as though he could see Hinata's face there.

The minutes crept by, and Shikamaru began to feel a strange tug at his heart. It suddenly felt a lot colder despite the typical Konoha heat. His room felt larger, emptier, and a great deal lonelier than it had ever felt before. This longing within him was almost unbearable. He had not felt it while he was in front of Hinata.

Trying his best to think of something else, he failed and wondered if she was thinking about him. If he was on her mind, it was only because she knew he had fallen for her. It made him happy to think that she was thinking about him at all. Still, it was not enough. He wanted her to feel this way about him. He wanted to hold her close, to run his fingers through her hair and look into those breathtaking eyes once more.

Closing his eyes, he knew it could not be. Hinata had feelings for Naruto; it was so obvious, even if she had never admitted it. She could never love Shikamaru. Not unless she drank a love potion like he had. Was this really fake love? It felt so real, so powerful—would it really be so bad to help Hinata feel this way about him? He knew it would be wrong. She loved another, so Shikamaru could not take that away from her just so he could have her for himself. Hinata would be so much happier if Naruto fell for her. Shikamaru only wanted her to be happy. He glowed thinking of her smile, so even if he wanted her to smile at _him_, he knew what the better man would do. He only wondered if he could be the better man.

Shikamaru struggled with his own increasingly painful thoughts and feelings for what felt like hours. Unable to take it any longer, he leapt out of his bed and left his room. After slipping on his shoes, he strode outside. A strong focus had overcome him. He knew what he had to do.

* * *

Hinata gazed out of her open bedroom window at the pale sky. The sun was drawing close to the horizon, and she had recently finished dinner. It was quiet now. She felt a little tired, but her mind was drifting all over the place, and at first she did not notice him walking up to the house. Shikamaru stopped and looked toward her, seeing her framed in her window. She looked surprised when she spotted him watching her.

"Hinata," he said, speaking as loud as he dared. "Could you come out here?"

"What are you doing here?" she asked, also trying to keep quiet.

"I wanted to talk to you, so I snuck in," he said.

Hinata glanced over her shoulder before turning back. "Do you know what will happen if you are caught outside the Hyūga Household without permission?"

"If you don't come out here, I guess I'll find out," said Shikamaru, smiling and shrugging.

She hesitated before walking away from the window. Shikamaru waited, hoping she was coming outside but wondering if she might be informing someone of his presence. He let out a small breath when the front door opened slightly and Hinata peeked through.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked.

"Well, it's a bit more complicated than that," admitted Shikamaru. "Could you come have a drink with me?"

"A drink?" repeated Hinata, her face pinking. "Are you trying to slip me a love potion?"

"No," said Shikamaru quickly. "I would never trick you into falling for me. You can trust me, Hinata. I actually want to help you."

"Help me with what?" she asked slowly.

"Please. I'll explain while we're there."

Shikamaru watched her, trying not to stare, until she put on her shoes, opened the door completely and stepped out. Keeping an eye on him, Hinata closed the door and walked over. They headed off together, unaware that behind some nearby bushes, someone was hiding and watching them.

* * *

Back at the teahouse, Shikamaru and Hinata entered to find that they were the only customers, and apparently the only people inside at all. They walked to a table and Shikamaru pulled a chair back, looking at Hinata. She sat down shyly and he carefully pushed her chair closer to the table before sitting to her right. Nobody came to take their order. Shikamaru wondered if they were supposed to be in here, but the sign out front said the teahouse was open, so he turned his attention back to Hinata.

"Don't be so nervous," he said.

"I'm not," Hinata said tensely. Shikamaru smiled slightly.

"It's okay. I'm not going to do anything weird. Please, relax."

He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a vial of love potion. Hinata shrunk back, but Shikamaru only placed the vial on the table in front of her.

"Go ahead. Take it," he said. Hinata looked at him in timid confusion. He forced a smile and clutched his knees with his trembling hands. It had taken him a great deal of willpower to set down that vial. "It's for you. Have Naruto drink it, and he'll love you."

Hinata's face turned predictably red. "W-why would I—"

"You don't have to pretend," said Shikamaru. "Find the courage to seek the heart of the person you love. Only you can find true happiness for yourself."

Hinata glanced at the vial but hurriedly looked away. "…I-I can't," she whispered.

"You can do anything you set your mind to," said Shikamaru, trying to look into her eyes.

"No… I can't…give this to him," she said. "I can't force him… It's fake. And it's wrong."

Shikamaru slowly looked at the table. He should have expected as much. Closing his eyes, he let his smile fade slightly and said, "You're such a good person. I wish I could be more like you."

Hinata looked at him, astonished. Shikamaru let go of his knees. She had refused to accept the potion, and now it was even more difficult to resist. She was so close, so beautiful, so pure-hearted, and it was killing him inside to hold on to his self-control; but now that restraint had become even more important, he found he could not keep it.

"I'm so sorry, Hinata," he murmured, forming the rat hand seal. Hinata froze, that look of surprise caught on her face as his shadow touched hers. Shikamaru reached out his hand, and so did Hinata. He wrapped his fingers around the air above the table in front of him. Mimicking his movements, Hinata grabbed the potion vial, pulled out the stopper, and raised the vial to her lips.

"No… Don't," she breathed, and Shikamaru paused. Their hands trembled together, hovering by their mouths, but a shout behind the teahouse's counter was the only trigger Shikamaru needed to make her drink.

"STOP!"

Neji appeared behind the counter and vaulted over it, sprinting towards them a moment too late. The potion slid down Hinata's throat before Shikamaru released his technique, seized Hinata, and flung them both backwards out of their seats. The vial slipped from Hinata's hand and shattered on the floor. They landed on their sides in the glass and their gazes locked. Neji stopped dead, bent over the table with his hand outstretched towards Hinata's fallen seat.

"Hinata-sama!" he said.

Neither she nor Shikamaru seemed to hear him. They were still staring into each other's eyes, not even caring about the glass shards beneath them. His hands still around her arms, Shikamaru pulled Hinata a little closer and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she whispered. Shikamaru smiled and they rose together to their feet. He looked over her right arm and side to make sure that the glass had not cut her. There were a few small shards sticking out from the side of his own chūnin vest, but he was not hurt and Hinata pulled the shards out, letting them fall to the floor.

Neji slammed his palms against the table, drawing their attention. "I knew I should have stepped in sooner! How could you force her to drink that?"

Shikamaru's smile faltered, but Hinata looked back at him. "I forgive you," she said. He turned his eyes back to hers and she blushed.

"I just couldn't hold back anymore," said Shikamaru.

"It's okay." Hinata seemed embarrassed but could not look away.

"It is _not_ okay!" said Neji.

Looking at her cousin again, Hinata said, "I am not hurt, Neji-nīsan."

"That is not the point!" Neji closed his eyes for a moment. "What about Naruto?"

Now it was Hinata who faltered. Shikamaru could see that she was conflicted. He gently grasped her face and turned it back to him, having her look into his eyes.

"It's up to you who you want to be with," he said.

"I…"

Neji stared at them, particularly at Shikamaru's hand holding Hinata's cheek.

"Whatever you choose, I'll understand," said Shikamaru, smiling kindly. Hinata slowly put her hands on his chest.

"Shikamaru-kun…" she said. He could feel the heat radiating from her face. Shikamaru wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Clenching his hands, Neji strode around the table towards them.

"I will not allow this!" he said. "Hinata-sama, what you are feeling right now is fake! You may as well be under a genjutsu! Release her, Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru let Hinata go and turned to Neji. "You're trying to stop her from being happy?"

"I am trying to stop her from making a mistake," said Neji. "You should understand that her love is not real, but you are affected too. It is clouding your judgment."

"Neji-nīsan," said Hinata, and he looked at her. He was surprised to see the pink gone from her face. She suddenly looked determined and even a little annoyed. "My love is real."

"You have never felt that way about Shikamaru," said Neji. "It is the effect of that love potion he forced you to drink! There is no way—"

"You cannot feel what I feel," said Hinata bluntly. Neji's eyes widened slightly. "How can you tell me that this is not real? I know what is in my heart!"

"Hinata-sama…"

Shikamaru watched Hinata. He had never seen her this way before. She was so much stronger than he imagined, and he felt his urge to kiss her grow stronger as well. Even though he knew Neji was right, his own feelings were so powerful, so true, that they may as well have been real. Besides, they were too compelling to resist. Simple logic and reasoning were futile.

"Let's get out of here," he said to Hinata.

"Neither of you are thinking straight!" said Neji, immediately getting into a battle stance, his hands at the ready. "I cannot let you leave together!"

"Tch… This is getting troublesome," said Shikamaru.

"Please, Neji-nīsan, you have nothing to worry about," said Hinata.

"If I leave you two alone, you will only do something you'll regret!" said Neji. The veins around his temples bulged as he activated his Byakugan.

"I see you're giving us no choice," sighed Shikamaru. He too changed his stance, readying himself for a fight.

"Hinata-sama, please stand back," said Neji.

Hinata activated her Byakugan. "I do not wish to fight you, but I will if I must."

Neji looked from one to the other. He was outnumbered two to one, but he was also the only jōnin among them. All he had to do was stop Shikamaru's chakra flow and bring Hinata home.

It was apparent that Shikamaru had other plans. He made the first move; his shadow shot out towards Neji, but Neji leapt out of the way and to his opponent's side, swinging his hand to meet one of Shikamaru's tenketsu. As if they had planned it together, Shikamaru dodged and Hinata swiped at Neji's outstretched arm. Neji barely dodged in time. Shikamaru had already reached for a kunai before he remembered that hurting Neji was not their goal. Better to distract him and slip away, but how? Hinata and Neji were now locked in combat, and though neither had been hit so far, Neji's finger brushed past Hinata's hair as it whipped through the air, long and sleek, shimmering in the warm orange sunlight streaming through the windows—

Who was distracting whom? Shikamaru shook his head to clear it and leapt forward to help Hinata, but just then, several shuriken flew at all three of them and they scattered to avoid the metal stars. The three ninja turned to see Kakashi standing beside a table nearby, watching them with his one visible eye. He looked bored, and to complement this, he sighed.

"Break it up, break it up," he drawled, even though they had already stopped fighting. "Why are you fighting each other?"

"Shikamaru forced Hinata-sama to drink a love potion!" said Neji.

"Did he now?" It was difficult to tell with his mask on, but Neji could have sworn that Kakashi was smiling.

"Yes! And now she thinks she loves him!"

"I understand what a love potion does," said Kakashi, stepping over. "That is no reason to fight each other. Why don't you deactivate your Byakugan?"

Hinata did so, but Neji scowled for a moment before obliging. Kakashi looked from Shikamaru and Hinata to Neji.

"Tell me what the problem is," said Kakashi.

"They are not truly in love!" said Neji. "If I do not stop them, they will do something they will regret!"

"They're not in any danger," said Kakashi. "Why don't you leave them be? They should be free to make their own mistakes."

"But Hinata-sama," said Neji, turning to face her, "is—gone?"

He flipped around, looking in all directions, but Shikamaru and Hinata were nowhere to be seen. Neji reactivated his Byakugan and saw through the wall that they were running off down the street. Without a second's hesitation, he made for the door, but Kakashi threw out a hand and grabbed Neji's arm to stop him.

"Hold it," said Kakashi. "Even if her feelings are fake, the potion will wear off. There's no need to worry. You tried to stop her, so she won't blame you for anything. If you continue to try, she may get upset about you following her everywhere, and those bitter feelings may remain when she's back to normal."

Neji's tense muscles relaxed slightly. "…I suppose you are right…"

"Good," said Kakashi, releasing his arm. It was clear from his eye now that he was smiling. "The potion really can't last all that long. I'm sure it'll wear off while they're in each other's arms, kissing passionately, and they'll immediately stop when they realize what they're doing."

Kakashi chuckled to himself, rather pink in the face as he imagined something no doubt influenced by reading his favorite Icha Icha novels too many times. Neji stood there staring at him. His eye twitched. Then he sprinted for the door, shouting, "HINATA-SAMA!"


	3. Love Is Blind, but the One Being Loved—

**Chapter 3: Love Is Blind, but the One Being Loved Is Blinder**

At a table in Yakiniku Q, Chōji, Ino and Asuma sat eating barbecue, uncomfortably conscious of Shikamaru's absence. Chōji was eating more slowly than usual, and Ino was hardly eating at all. They had just completed a mission with Kiba, Shino, and another chūnin, but not Shikamaru or Hinata; none of them were much in the mood to celebrate. According to Shikaku, Shikamaru had not returned home the previous night, and no one had seen him or Hinata since they left the teahouse. Even Neji had failed to find them after Kakashi stopped him a second time. And judging by the fact that Sakura was still holed up lovesick in her room, the love potions were nowhere near the end of their course.

With her elbow on the table and her face in her cupped hand, Ino sat picking at her barbecue with her chopsticks. There was a distant look in her eyes that did not go unnoticed.

"What are you thinking about, Ino?" asked Asuma, though he guessed the answer was probably Shikamaru.

"That hunk," said Ino dreamily. Asuma and Chōji paused, staring at her. She blinked, realized what she had said, and hastily added, "The meat! That hunk of meat!"

"If you want it that badly, you can have it," said Chōji, pulling his chopsticks away from the large piece of meat cooking on the table.

"N-no, it's fine, you take it," said Ino, smiling and waving her hands dismissively.

"Are you sure?" asked Chōji. Ino nodded vigorously, and he took the meat with a grin.

Just then, Kiba and Shino approached the table with Akamaru at their heels.

"Hinata still isn't home," said Kiba, sitting down across from Chōji. "Her family's probably starting to think she was kidnapped. We've searched everywhere, but it's weird—even with my sense of smell and Shino's bugs, we can't find her. What about Shikamaru?"

"No one's seen him," said Chōji, lowering his chopsticks in slight worry. "Do you think they might've left the village?"

"Where would they go? I doubt they'd run that far," said Kiba as Shino sat next to him. "Maybe we shouldn't be so worried. They're not gonna hurt each other, and it's not like we have an antidote to give them. Even if we found them, how would we keep them apart? Tie them up? We should probably just let the potion wear off, and they'll come home."

Shino said nothing, but in his silence he seemed to disagree. While Ino, also mute, was gazing at Kiba with rapt attention, she did not seem to be listening to the conversation.

"Uh, Ino?" said Chōji. "Are you all right?"

"Of course I am," said Ino.

"You haven't seemed right since breakfast," said Chōji.

"What's up with her?" asked Kiba.

"I'm fine," said Ino.

They looked skeptical but switched their attention to food when someone came to take the newcomers' orders. Kiba ordered some meat, Shino a simple salad, but the others had finished eating by the time their food was served. Before either could start eating, Kurenai appeared and stepped up to the table. Asuma stood up so fast that he hit his knee on the edge of the table, but he managed to conceal the pain behind an exaggerated smile.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I want to talk to Kiba and Shino," said Kurenai. The worry was evident on her face.

"Is something wrong?" asked Shino.

"Could you both come over here for a minute?"

"Oh, don't mind us, we were just leaving," said Asuma. All of them except Ino stood up.

"Ino, are you coming?" asked Chōji.

"Just a moment," said Ino, smiling. "I want to finish my tea."

"We'll be outside," said Asuma. He glanced at Kurenai as he and Chōji passed. Kiba and Shino walked a short distance away with their jōnin-sensei, leaving Ino alone at the table.

Ino watched them for a moment to make sure they were not looking her way. Then she pulled out a vial of love potion and leaned over the table towards Kiba's food. Her fingers gripped the stopper of the vial and gave it a tug, only to find it stuck. She pulled harder, and after a few seconds, she finally succeeded in opening the vial—only to spill the potion out over the table and Shino's salad instead. Holding her breath, Ino shot a quick glance at Shino. He and Kiba were still talking with Kurenai. Ino snatched up her napkin and mopped up the potion on the table, but there was no removing it from the salad.

"Ino? You okay?" asked Kiba.

Ino sat up straight as a board and looked over as Kiba and Shino returned. There was sweat glistening on her forehead, but she gave them a huge, fake smile and said, "I'm great! So, uh, what did she want to talk about?"

"Hinata," said Kiba, as he and Shino sat back down. Ino glanced at the salad while Kiba continued. "She's worried about her, but she'll turn up soon enough. Finally, we can eat! I'm starving!"

Kiba started placing his meat on the charcoal brazier built into the table. Shino lifted his chopsticks, and Ino panicked.

"No!" she cried, and both of them froze, looking at her. "Don't eat that!"

"Why not?" asked Shino.

Ino hesitated. She could not let them find out what she had been trying to do, but neither could she allow Shino to ingest the potion.

"I—I think there's something weird in that salad," she said.

"…Something weird?" Shino's expression did not change.

"Like what?" asked Kiba. "Poison?"

"Maybe," said Ino.

"Why would someone try to poison him?" asked Kiba.

"Why would I know? Just don't eat it, Shino!" hissed Ino.

"Even if it were poisoned, it would not do me any harm," said Shino. "Why? Because if I ingest poison, my insects will break it down for me."

"What makes you think it's poisoned, anyway?" asked Kiba.

If what Shino said was true, maybe the love potion would not affect him. Maybe it would be fine to let him eat the salad. It was that or make a scene by smashing his bowl on the floor.

"You're right," she said with an artificial laugh. "It makes no sense. I'm sure it's fine!"

Shino stared at her, not speaking, not moving.

"What's wrong?" asked Kiba, grinning at his teammate. "Are you scared now? You can have some of my barbecue."

"I'll be fine," said Shino, and he began to eat.

Ino got to her feet (a little too quickly) and said, "I'll see you guys later!"

She headed for the door, but not before Shino looked back at her face and faltered. Kiba looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Shino?"

He did not reply, but Akamaru turned and barked at Ino's retreating figure and the bit of the empty vial just visible between her fingers.

* * *

Shino finally stepped into the flower shop and looked over at the counter. Just as Chōji had told him, Ino was working here for a few hours today. She was talking to a customer, but her mind seemed miles away. Shino walked over to some flowers and watched Ino out of the corner of his eye. He waited for the customer to leave, but even when she did, Shino stayed where he was.

Resting her elbows on the counter, Ino placed her chin in her hands and sighed dreamily at the ceiling. Shino shuffled his feet and stepped a little closer, continuing to pretend that he was looking at the flowers. He crossed his arms and urged himself to just do it, but his legs would hardly budge, and it was difficult enough to keep them from shaking. While he was fine with bugs living under his skin every day, he could not stand the feeling of butterflies in his stomach. He had to get this over with.

Shino stepped over to the counter and stopped to face Ino. She did not immediately realize he was there. When she did, she gave a little jump and straightened up.

"Shino! I didn't see you there," said Ino. He was silent. "What are you doing here?" Shino still said nothing. Ino stared at him uncomfortably. "Uh, Shino?"

"…Good afternoon," he said.

"Um… Yeah." Ino glanced away, but then her face lit up. "Hey, have you seen Kiba?"

"Not since lunch," said Shino. Ino looked disappointed.

"Oh… Well… Are you here to buy some flowers?" she asked.

"No. I have no need for flowers. Why, you ask?"

There was an awkward stretch of silence. Ino blinked, and Shino sweated beneath his forehead protector.

"Because I already have flowers," he finished. Shino reached inside his coat and pulled out a bouquet of violets, which he held out to Ino. She screamed and leapt back; the violets were crawling with Shino's parasitic insects.

"I'm sorry," said Shino, and the insects began crawling back up his arm. Ino was breathing heavily. "These are for you…for working so hard."

"That's…very sweet, but no thank you," said Ino, faking a smile. "You know, it's almost time for me to close up the shop…"

Shino lowered the violets, watching Ino. "I see."

"I'll see you," said Ino. "Say hello to Kiba for me, would you?"

Shino paused before nodding shortly. Then he turned and left the shop, holding the bouquet limply in his hand. When he made it outside, he walked down the street, but he stopped not too far away. Lifting the bouquet to his face, he saw the last few insects crawling down his wrist and under his sleeve. He had thought the violets would be perfect. He had been wrong. Letting his hand drop back to his side, the bouquet slipped from his fingers, and the violets landed in a messy heap in the dirt. Shino walked on, dragging his feet with his head hanging low.

He passed the customer who had left the flower shop a while ago: she was trying to force the bouquet she had bought into the hands of an older man. The man looked disturbed and refused to accept the flowers, saying, "Look what that potion's done to you! Flirting with your husband's father—"

"It's obvious where he got his good looks," said the woman, batting her eyelashes. "He's a pretty good kisser, too, but I bet you have more experience… Would you show me?"

She puckered up, and the man ran for it. The woman watched him leave. Then she sighed and, like Shino, let the bouquet in her hand fall. Having watched all this, Shino wondered if he should be more assertive with Ino. Then again, it hadn't helped this woman much.

* * *

A man was strolling down a street, a little bored, when a woman's voice called out to him.

"You look like you could use a little romance in your life!"

His head whipped around, but it was only an old woman standing behind a table strewn with vials of some pink-red liquid. Nevertheless, he came to take a closer look.

"What are these?" he asked. The woman grinned.

"These are my love potions," she said. "Guaranteed to make whoever drinks them fall for the first person they see."

"So these are the love potions I've been hearing about!" He looked excited at the prospect.

"Only two hundred ryō a vial," said the woman.

He stared at the vials in thought. Slowly, a smile spread across his face. Then he grabbed his wallet and looked inside.

"I'll take all these!"

He shoved the money into the woman's greedy hands, scooped up a bunch of vials, and bounded off down the street. What should he do with these potions first? The possibilities pranced through his vivid imagination, and Jiraiya cackled with delight.


	4. The Love That Left Him Green With Envy

**Chapter 4: The Love That Left Him Green With Envy**

Naruto sat at Ichiraku Ramen that night, slurping his ramen halfheartedly. He could not believe what he had started. Now Sakura was in love with Shikamaru, who had run off somewhere with Hinata, and who knew who else was in love with those they shouldn't be. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't his fault, because the potions and the madness would have spread anyway by someone else's hands. He was not really to blame.

With a heavy sigh, someone entered the small restaurant and sat beside Naruto. He looked and saw, to his great surprise, Neji sitting with his face in his hand.

"Neji? What are you doing here?" asked Naruto.

"I need something salty and filled with meat," muttered Neji. Then he addressed Teuchi. "Could I have a bowl of shio ramen? With naruto. Do not forget the naruto."

Naruto gulped; Neji's expression was dark. Naruto considered asking if he was worried about Hinata, but before he could decide, Neji slammed the counter with his fist.

"I swear, when I see Shikamaru, he is going to regret buying that love potion!"

Grabbing his bowl, Naruto nervously slurped up the last of his miso broth.

"Neji! There you are!"

They looked and saw Lee sitting at Neji's other side, Tenten sitting beside Lee.

"I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone for today," said Neji, an irritated twitch appearing at the corner of his mouth.

"Cheer up!" said Lee, flinging his arm around Neji's shoulders. "You should be happy for Hinata-san! She is bursting with youthful love—"

"I know how she feels," said Tenten, smiling absentmindedly at Lee. Neji's eyes widened.

"Tenten? Tell me you did not drink a love potion!"

"Guy-sensei forced me to," said Tenten. "He said it would be good for me."

"And you fell for Lee?" asked Neji, appalled.

"His brilliant smile was the first thing I saw," sighed Tenten happily.

"Here's your ramen," said Ayame, setting a bowl in front of Neji.

If Lee was listening to his teammates' conversation, he did not acknowledge a word of it. Instead, he looked at Neji's ramen and said, "That smells delicious! I sure am hungry!"

"I don't have food, but I do have a tonic that will give you lots of energy," said Tenten. She gave a familiar vial to Lee, who smiled at it brightly.

"Wow! Thanks, Tenten!" he said, and removing his arm from Neji's shoulders, Lee opened the vial and downed the potion in a single gulp.

"Lee, do not drink that!" shouted Neji, knocking the vial out of Lee's hand too late. Lee looked at Neji in surprise. Naruto perked up—did the love potion work with two people of the same gender?—and Tenten rose slightly from her seat. Even Teuchi and Ayame stopped to watch.

Lee stared into Neji's eyes, his own wide. Neji stared back with uncertainty. Then Lee smiled and said, "That _did_ give me lots of energy! I feel great! My heart is beating a mile a minute—feel it, Neji!"

He seized Neji's hand and pressed it against his own chest. Neji jerked his hand back, staring at Lee's pink face in horror.

"No!" said Neji, unwilling to believe it. "No! _No!_"

"Lee!" cried Tenten angrily, rising to her feet. "You Beautiful Green Beast!"

She raised her hand and smacked Lee's head as hard as she could, sending him flying off his seat and out of the ramen stand. Naruto and Neji looked back to see Lee face down in the dirt. Standing a few feet from him was Kakashi. He turned his eye from Lee to the others, and he seemed to smile.

"Lovers' quarrel?" he asked cheerfully. Neji looked nauseous, and Tenten stomped over.

"Nothing I can't handle," she said, rolling Lee over. "You're coming with me."

Tenten lifted up Lee's unconscious body by the armpits and dragged him off, a bit of drool dribbling from his open mouth. Kakashi walked over and sat beside Naruto.

"So, what have you been up to?" asked Kakashi.

"Not much," said Naruto, "but Neji got a new admirer!"

"Oh?" said Kakashi with interest. Neji glared at them.

"Both of you think this is funny, don't you?" he muttered.

"Hey, Neji!" said Naruto, grinning. "If you loved Tenten, it would be a love triangle!"

"This is no laughing matter!"

"Bushy Brows just wants to be your friend," said Naruto. "Your _best_ friend, ya _know_?"

He snickered, and Kakashi faked a cough to mask a chuckle. Neji scowled.

* * *

With a thump, Lee was dropped to the ground at the edge of the field. Tenten stood over him, panting lightly, and Guy stepped closer.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"He looked at Neji," said Tenten, crossing her arms.

"Oh?" said Guy. "Love truly has no boundaries!"

"Now what am I supposed to do?" asked Tenten.

"Never give up!" shouted Guy, grasping her shoulder and punching the air. "Love is worth it, and the challenge only adds to the thrill! That thrill—I have decided to experience it myself!"

"You mean…" began Tenten, looking concerned. Guy removed a vial from his vest pocket.

"Tonight I plunge head first into the dangerous and mysterious ocean that is love!"

His teeth gleamed in the moonlight, and Guy wasted no time in unstoppering the vial and swallowing the potion. Tenten jumped behind her jōnin-sensei so as not to be seen.

"I can feel it coursing through my veins!" Guy exclaimed.

"Go, Guy-sensei, and don't look back!" said Tenten, giving his back a shove.

"Yes! Onward to love!"

Guy ran off into the night, and Tenten sympathized with the unfortunate soul who was soon to become the object of Guy's burning affections.

It was not long before he came across the ramen stand where people could be seen sitting, their faces hidden behind the banner that bore the name of the restaurant. Guy could see someone standing, their long, dark hair clearly visible. He stepped up to the banner and eagerly pushed it aside.

Neji broke off his heated one-sided argument with Kakashi, whose chair he was standing beside, and all of them turned to see Guy. Dread caused Neji to freeze on the spot. No—he could not be loved, not by his sensei, too. But there was an empty vial in his hand and the look in Guy's eyes was unmistakable. He opened his mouth, struggled to speak, and finally got the words out.

"K…Kakashi? What are you doing here?"

Naruto and Neji looked at Kakashi. His visible eye was wide, even scared.

"I was just leaving," he said. He tried to stand up, but Neji pushed him back down.

"The potion will wear off," said Neji, a wry smile spreading across his face. "There is no need to worry."

Kakashi looked at Neji in surprise. When Guy stepped closer, Kakashi's eye snapped back to him. Guy pushed Neji aside and seized Kakashi by the arms, half-lifting him off his chair.

"I never noticed before just how lustrous your hair is!" said Guy. "The moon itself dulls in comparison! And your eyes—and your voice—I—I'm at a loss for words, but you, Kakashi, you always have something clever to say!"

"Uh…" said Kakashi.

Naruto held his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle his snickering. Neji smiled wide. Glancing at Naruto and Neji's bowl of ramen, Guy seemed to realize where they were.

"Have you eaten yet?" he asked, looking back at Kakashi and holding his masked face between both of his hands. "Let me buy something for you!"

"I'm not hungry," said Kakashi, trying to ignore Naruto as he shook with laughter beside him.

"Very well!" said Guy suddenly. "Then I challenge you to a race in the dark!"

"Right now?" asked Kakashi.

"Of course! Let's go! We'll start at the Main Gate, then race to my house!"

"Wait, why your house?"

Guy clutched Kakashi's arm and ran off, dragging him along.

"Have fun!" Naruto called after Kakashi before bursting into more laughter.

Neji shook his head. "You know karma will get you for that, right?"

"What're you talking about? You're laughing too, ya know!" said Naruto.

"I am not," said Neji, but he was still smiling.

Although he had momentarily lost his appetite after Lee drank the potion, Neji now felt hungry enough to eat his ramen after all. When he finished, he left for home, wondering where Hinata was. Surely somebody had seen her by now. It had been over twenty-four hours.

Neji paused, noticing shadowy figures between two buildings nearby. He activated his Byakugan to get a closer look. It was Hinata and Shikamaru—he had found them at last, but he was far from happy. Their arms were around each other in a tight embrace, their lips locked in a fierce kiss, and Neji could see Shikamaru's hand straying down Hinata's back.

Neji's composure shattered.

He was over there before they could even open their eyes. He seized Shikamaru by the neck, wrenching him out of Hinata's arms and slamming him into the wall of one of the buildings. Hinata cried his name, but Neji proceeded to strike Shikamaru's tenketsu, not holding back until Hinata leapt between them. He forced himself to stop a split second before his hand struck her. With anger burning in her eyes, Hinata delivered a sharp kick below Neji's belt.

He crumpled to the ground, clutching himself in pain. Hinata turned to Shikamaru and asked, "Are you all right?"

"Fantastic," said Shikamaru, giving her something between a smile and a grimace. He was grasping his side and trembling, but it seemed to hurt less when he looked at Hinata.

"Maybe we should have a medical ninja take a look at you," she said.

"It's nothing! I feel fine," said Shikamaru. He stood up straighter, but his legs wobbled and Hinata draped his arm over her shoulders to give him more support.

"At least let Sakura—" But Hinata cut herself short when Shikamaru looked at her.

"Not the best idea," he said.

"Hinata-samaaaa," moaned Neji. Hinata looked back at her cousin.

"I am sorry, Neji-nīsan, but you went too far. This is why we did not return sooner."

She walked off with Shikamaru. Neji staggered to his feet, but he did not go after them. He watched them with his Byakugan for a while, but when Hinata turned her head and glared in his direction, he knew she had spotted him with her own Byakugan, so he deactivated and closed his white eyes.

As they walked, Hinata tried to convince Shikamaru to at least take some medicine. He insisted that he only needed some rest.

"Or maybe you should kiss it to make it better," he joked, grinning. Hinata blushed and dropped the matter.

A few minutes later, Hinata saw someone up ahead that made her freeze. It was Naruto. When he noticed them, he smiled and rushed over.

"Hinata! Shikamaru! Where've you been?" he asked. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Great," said Shikamaru.

Hinata looked at the ground, pink in the face. Shikamaru looked from her to Naruto, frowning. This had to be really confusing and uncomfortable for Hinata. It made him regret putting her in this situation. He had thoroughly enjoyed the time he spent with her; he had reveled in their conversations, their walks together, gazing into her eyes, even simply holding her hand, and of course the kissing was marvelous…but he knew when he had to draw the line. She still loved Naruto, and that love was real. What she felt for Shikamaru, what he felt for her, could never be anything more than a wonderful illusion. Perhaps he would be relieved when the potion wore off, but right now he wished Hinata loved him the way she loved Naruto.

"Hinata," said Shikamaru. "You should tell him."

She looked at him in surprise. Naruto blinked in confusion.

"Huh? Tell me what?"

"Follow what's really in your heart," said Shikamaru.

"What are you saying?" asked Hinata. "I love…y-you!"

Shikamaru pulled his arm off her shoulders and turned away. "Neji was right."

"Right about what?" asked Naruto.

"It's fake!" said Shikamaru. Hinata glanced at Naruto but looked back when Shikamaru said, "Girls are troublesome!"

Hinata stiffened but still trembled. "_You_ are troublesome!"

She seized him, spun him around, and kissed him wildly. Shikamaru's mind fell blank and he held her close. Naruto goggled at them, his mouth agape. He stood there awkwardly until they broke apart a minute later.

"So…" said Shikamaru slowly. "…You really love me?"

"What do you think, genius?" asked Hinata.

Shikamaru hugged her, and she laid her head on his shoulder. He looked over at Naruto and shrugged, a goofy grin on his face. Scratching the back of his head, Naruto smiled uncertainly, but a voice behind him made him jump.

"Where have you been, Hinata?"

They all turned to face Shino, and Naruto took a step back.

"You made people worry," said Shino. He looked at Shikamaru. "Have you felt the effects of the potion begin to wear off yet?"

"No," said Shikamaru.

"I see." Shino looked at the ground.

"Shino-kun? Is something wrong?" asked Hinata.

"Yes," he said. "Others have consumed love potions as well. Some are in love with someone who has fallen for another, and some have been rejected."

Naruto thought he was talking about Sakura, but Shikamaru understood.

"Did you try giving her a love potion?" he asked. Shino stood motionless.

"…No. I doubt it would even work. Why? Because she already drank a love potion and fell for someone else."

"Whaaa?" said Naruto. He looked at Shikamaru, then back at Shino. A light bulb seemed to turn on in his head. "You're in love, Shino? With who?"

Shino did not reply. "Good night," he said instead.

"Wait! You didn't answer me, ya know!" said Naruto, but Shino was already leaving.

"Let's go home," Shikamaru said to Hinata. "Even though it's too late to pretend we never left, we better get back before we're in any more trouble." She nodded and looked at Naruto.

"G-good night," she said. Naruto turned back to face her.

"You're leaving too?" he asked. "Why is everyone leaving me?"

"It's getting late," said Shikamaru.

"I guess," mumbled Naruto. "See ya tomorrow."

"Later," said Shikamaru. "Good night, Hinata."

"Good night, Shikamaru-kun," said Hinata.

They waved to each other and walked off in opposite directions. Naruto yawned and headed home himself. He wondered what would happen if Sasuke were here to get caught up in this madness.

That night, he dreamt Sasuke had bought all the love potions and slipped them into people's drinks. Tsunade and Orochimaru fell in love and got married. Kabuto was angry and kidnapped Sasuke to get back at him, but then Sasuke escaped and joined his brother to defeat a ninja in a stupid-looking mask who was trying to take over Konoha. The ninja turned out to be Sakura, and she threatened to feed Naruto to Shino's bugs if Shikamaru didn't marry her. That was the final straw: Sasuke turned into a giant snake, ate Sakura, and became Hokage after Orochimaru and Tsunade adopted him.

When Naruto woke up in the morning, he decided the real situation wasn't so crazy after all. The visitors who were to arrive in Konoha that day, however, would beg to differ when they found out about the love potions circulating through the village.


	5. The Gift Box, the Good News, and the—

**Chapter 5: The Gift Box, the Good News, and the Bipolar Love**

Tsunade looked up at the man standing in front of her desk. "Hand it over."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"You know what," said Tsunade. "If there was only one person in Konoha who knew about the love potions, it would be you."

Jiraiya smiled. "Why do you assume I have one?"

"Because you're you," said Tsunade simply. She held out her hand, palm up.

"I wasn't going to do anything bad with it," said Jiraiya.

"It's a love potion," said Tsunade. "There's nothing good you can do with it. They're causing problems for everyone, and it's my job to set things right. The woman who's selling the potions is proving difficult to find—she's managed to avoid those I sent to stop her—so I may as well start somewhere else. I'm having all love potions confiscated, so give me yours."

"Confiscated?" repeated Jiraiya in indignation. "They're not dangerous!"

"Jiraiya!" said Tsunade dangerously. "Now!"

Grumbling, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial, giving it to the Hokage. She looked through the glass and turned her eyes back to Jiraiya.

"And the rest of them," she said. Jiraiya froze, his expression betraying his guilt.

"How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," said Tsunade. She held out her hand again.

"I, uh, already used them," said Jiraiya.

Tsunade stared at him. "…You already used them," she repeated. "Of course you did." She sighed and put the vial in a drawer. "Well, there's no turning back time. I had hoped this would be cleared up before the Kazekage's visit, but no such luck."

"The Kazekage is visiting? What for?" asked Jiraiya.

"It's a purely social visit, nothing serious," said Tsunade. "It must be nice to get a vacation, even if most of it's spent traveling to and from the place you're visiting. How unfortunate that all this should be going on while he's here. And look at the time; he'll be here within the hour."

There was a knock on the door, and both of them looked over at it. A woman's voice called through, "Jiraiya-sama, we're waiting!"

Jiraiya glanced at Tsunade. "That would be my new friend," he said.

"I see," she said. "You're dismissed. And Jiraiya—"

He paused, already halfway to the door.

"Don't exploit any women under the influence of a love potion, and don't even think of buying any more."

"I wouldn't dream of it!" said Jiraiya with a cheerful, booming laugh, and he left through the door. Tsunade caught a glimpse of two young, gorgeous women and Sakura. Then the door closed. Leaping to her feet, Tsunade ran over and opened the door. Sakura was still standing there, but Jiraiya was walking off down the hall with the women clinging to his arms.

"You're not—He didn't—"

"What?" said Sakura, blinking. Tsunade sighed in relief.

"Good. For a second there, I thought he had…never mind," she said. "What are you doing here, Sakura?"

Sakura smiled. "I have good news."

* * *

Gaara and his siblings were welcomed through the gate, and they looked around. It had been a while since they were last here. One of the shinobi ushering them in spoke to Gaara.

"Is there anything we can do for you, Kazekage-sama?"

"Could you find Naruto and tell him I'm here?" asked Gaara.

"Of course!" said the shinobi. "Should I tell him to meet you somewhere?"

Gaara thought. "What restaurant would you recommend?"

"I personally like Yakiniku Q. Hizo-san will bring you there if you like."

"Very well. Please tell Naruto I'll be waiting for him there," said Gaara.

"Yes, sir!"

The shinobi left, and the rest continued on, the jōnin named Hizo leading the way. The old woman with the welcoming party walked closer to Gaara.

"This is for you," she said, offering him a small red box. "Consider it a gift from Konoha."

"Thank you," said Gaara, accepting the box. Kankurō looked at it suspiciously.

"Let me look at that," he said.

"Don't be rude," said Temari. "What, do you think they'd try to harm the Kazekage?"

"It wouldn't be the first time someone tried to harm him," said Kankurō, taking the box from his brother.

"Konoha is our ally," said Temari.

"That doesn't mean everyone who lives here is." Kankurō opened the box and rummaged through its contents. There were a few Konoha specialties and a clear bottle holding some sort of reddish drink. He paused. "…Cute," he said, seeing the kanji for love written on the bottle. "Gaara, it looks like you've got a secret admirer."

"Are you done yet?" asked Temari. "Or do you want to test everything for poison?"

"It looks fine," said Kankurō, returning the box to Gaara.

They soon arrived at Yakiniku Q, but before they went in, Gaara turned to the others. "Why don't you go off on your own? You don't have to follow me for the entire visit."

"Oh, I see," said Kankurō. "You want some alone time with Naruto, right?"

"He doesn't need us watching over him all the time," said Temari. "He _is_ the Kazekage."

"He's our little brother too," said Kankurō.

"Has his kidnapping really made you that overprotective?" asked Temari.

"I'm not overprotective. I'm being cautious."

"You're doing a good job," said Temari, smiling and crossing her arms. "There's no way anything would happen to him without you noticing."

Kankurō turned and saw that Gaara had vanished. He looked around in a slight panic.

"He went inside," said Temari.

"Of course he did," said Kankurō. "…Let's go somewhere else."

"But not too far, right?"

"Of course."

They left, as did the rest of the welcoming party. Inside Yakiniku Q, Gaara took a seat at a table, setting down the gift box in front of him. He took out the bottle and gazed at the kanji on it. It matched his forehead perfectly. When someone came to take his order (nearly shouting in surprise to discover the latest customer was the Kazekage himself), Gaara asked for salted beef tongue and a cup for the drink he already had. He did not have to wait long to be served.

Gaara poured a small amount of the drink into his cup and set the bottle aside. Lifting the cup, he took a sniff of the unknown drink: it had almost no smell, but he detected something fairly sweet and took a hesitant sip. It actually tasted rather good. He finished off the cup and poured himself some more.

After around twelve minutes of eating and drinking, Gaara heard footsteps approaching. He looked up and saw Naruto grinning.

"Hey, Gaara!" he said, sitting next to the Kazekage. "I'm glad you could stop by, ya know! How've you been? Busy?"

Gaara stared at Naruto and his chopsticks slipped from his fingers, clattering to the table, but he did not even notice. His hand remained suspended in midair. His mouth was hanging open, and his eyes were fully dilated. Worry slid over Naruto's face.

"Gaara? What's wrong?"

He was trembling all over and could not speak. Naruto waved his hand in front of Gaara's face, but to no avail. He reached over and grasped Gaara's shoulder, shaking him slightly, but all that did was make his heart beat even faster to the point where it hurt his chest.

"Gaara! Gaara, say something!" said Naruto. When Gaara remained unresponsive, Naruto turned and shouted, "Somebody help! Is there a medical-nin in here?"

There was a sharp intake of breath and Naruto quickly looked back at Gaara: for a moment, he seemed to have forgotten to breathe. A kunoichi ran over and Naruto rose, stepping back to make room for her. As she tried to figure out what was wrong with Gaara, Naruto spotted the nearly empty bottle on the table. He picked it up and stared at the kanji written on the glass. This kanji, and the color of the drink, were too familiar…

"No," he murmured. "No way."

Naruto turned his head slowly and saw Gaara still staring at him.

"Tell me you didn't drink this!" said Naruto, flourishing the bottle, but he knew that Gaara had. The kunoichi looked at the bottle.

"Is that a love potion?" she asked. "I saw the effects of one just yesterday. Those potions are powerful, but not to this degree. Then again, if he drank that much…"

They both looked at Gaara. He was starting to stand up, but his legs were shaking so much that he had to hold on to the table for support. His eyes never left Naruto's face.

"N…N…Naruto," he stammered, blushing redder than his hair. Before Naruto could react, Kankurō burst into the restaurant and hurried over to his brother, Temari following just behind.

"Gaara!" called Kankurō. "What happened? Are you—"

"It's okay!" said the kunoichi, raising her hands in front of her. Kankurō and Temari slowed to a stop in front of them.

"What happened?" asked Kankurō again. Gaara finally looked away from Naruto and blinked at the floor, taking deep breaths.

"It looks like he drank a love potion," said the kunoichi.

"A what?" said Temari, sure she had not heard right. Kankurō looked at the bottle in Naruto's hand and snatched it from him.

"This is from the gift that woman gave him!"

Temari looked at it, then at the open gift box on the table. Only a couple of the snacks and sweets remained inside beside the empty wrappers.

"They really were spiked," she muttered. "Just not with poison…"

Kankurō shoved the bottle back at Naruto, who took it and stepped back. The kunoichi moved out of the way as Kankurō approached his brother.

"I'm sorry about this," she said. "These love potions have been causing trouble for a couple of days now. We're trying to fix this mess, but…"

"Gaara," said Kankurō, grasping his brother's arms and turning him around to face him. "How do you feel?"

"…What?" said Gaara vaguely, staring at his face.

"Snap out of it!" said Kankurō.

"Excuse me," said the kunoichi, and he looked at her. "So far, none of the love potions have worn off, and people started drinking them two days ago. The Kazekage has drunk more than anyone else that I'm aware of, so it's safe to assume that it might last even longer for him. He won't just 'snap out of it.' And it looks like the effects are more extreme in his case. It might be wise to take him to the hospital."

"Hospital?" interrupted Temari. "Is he in any danger?"

"No!" said the kunoichi quickly. "But those who've drunk love potions have acted pretty—"

Gaara pulled himself free from his brother's grasp and avoided meeting their gazes. "I-I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"But Gaara," began Kankurō. He noticed his brother glancing past him and turned to see Naruto. "So, wait. If he drank a love potion, that means…"

"Who'd he fall in love with?" asked Temari. All of them looked at Naruto. Shuffling awkwardly on the spot, Naruto fiddled with the bottle in his hands. Kankurō stomped over and grabbed his jacket collar.

"W-wait!" said Naruto. "It's not my fault! I didn't even know he was coming!"

"Do you know who sent the gift box?" demanded Kankurō.

"No! Some granny's been selling love potions; it could have been anyone!"

"What? It was an old woman who gave the box to Gaara! Why would she do that?"

"I don't know!" said Naruto.

"Maybe she thought it would be funny," muttered Temari.

Kankurō glared into Naruto's wide eyes. "This is beyond weird, but apparently Gaara loves you now. I know you two are friends, and you did help save him, but I think it's best if you steer clear of him for now. Understand?"

"Of course," said Naruto.

Kankurō released him and turned back to Gaara. "And get rid of all that, would you?" he added. Naruto picked up the gift box and hurried off. Blushing, Gaara watched him go, and the kunoichi spoke again.

"We have medical ninja working on an antidote, but until we have one that works, the Kazekage really needs to be supervised. We don't yet know how seriously the love potion has affected him. For his own safety as well as Naruto-kun's—"

"We'll keep an eye on him," said Kankurō. "Come on, Gaara."

"Tell us as soon as an antidote is ready," said Temari.

"Naturally," said the kunoichi, "the Kazekage is top priority. But I really think—"

"We can handle it. It's just love," said Kankurō. He gently pulled his brother along, and the three siblings left the restaurant.

* * *

"You made an antidote yourself?" said Tsunade. "Excellent! Does it work?"

"Well, we'd need a willing volunteer to test it, but I'm confident that it will," said Sakura.

"Who would be willing to take an antidote for a love they feel is real, though?" wondered Tsunade.

"How about Shikamaru?" suggested Sakura.

"He ran off with Hinata Hyūga and only returned last night. Why would he want to test it?"

"If we can't find a volunteer," said Sakura, "we have to force someone, right? They're not thinking straight anyway. It's for their own good."

"But why Shikamaru?" asked Tsunade.

Sakura hesitated. "He was among the first to drink a love potion. He's had to deal with the effects longer than most."

"Hm," said Tsunade. "Very well. Ask his father first, and if Shikaku is all right with it, give Shikamaru the antidote. If he would prefer you test it on someone else first, find someone willing. If it works, make more of the antidote and start treating everyone else at once. If not, inform me and get back to work on making an antidote that does work."

"Yes, ma'am," said Sakura, running off.

* * *

Shikaku crossed his arms, staring down at Sakura. "Ino and Chōji told me that you're the one who gave him the love potion in the first place."

"I-I did, but I'm here to set things right," said Sakura. "You must know the antidote's safe because I wouldn't give him anything I thought might cause him harm."

One of Shikaku's eyebrows twitched. "Why don't you take it yourself if you're so sure it will work?" he asked. Sakura frowned.

"I made this antidote and I am fully confident in it. But should it have any side effects, I may be hindered in making more antidotes. I can't risk that when I'm the only one who knows how to make them. The Hokage ordered me to make and administer more antidotes if it works."

"…I'll ask him if he's willing to try it," said Shikaku.

He turned and saw Shikamaru standing a few feet away in casual black clothes, watching them talk at the door. Sakura only just noticed him—perhaps he had only just walked over—and both of them tensed. Then Shikamaru turned and ran out of sight.

"Wait!" said Sakura, and Shikaku went after his son, chasing him down the halls and almost catching up by the time Shikamaru made it through the back door. Shikaku stopped and watched him run off barefoot.

"Heh…" he said. "That potion really worked wonders on his personality."

His wife walked up behind him. "Did Shikamaru just run away again?"

"Yeah," said Shikaku, smiling slightly.

"Then what are you waiting for? Go stop him before he does something stupid!"

"R-right! I'm on it!" Shikaku hastily went after his son.

* * *

Kankurō and Temari watched Gaara carefully as they walked. His face was still a little red, his eyes still wide, and though he hardly blinked, he could not see where they were going. His siblings sat him down on a stone bench and seated themselves at either of his sides.

"Gaara, talk to us," said Kankurō. "What are you thinking?"

Gaara said nothing, not even glancing up from the ground as someone dressed in black but no shoes ran past them lickety-split. He slowly lifted a hand to his face and covered his eyes.

"Why did you tell him?" mumbled Gaara.

"Huh?" said Kankurō. "Tell who what?"

"Naruto… Why did you tell him I love…" He blushed deeply. Kankurō glanced at Temari.

"Gaara, you drank a love potion," said Temari. "He already knew."

"Was I that obvious?" asked Gaara.

"Uh, yeah," said Kankurō.

"…That was so humiliating," said Gaara, running his fingers through his hair and squeezing his head. Temari put her hand on his shoulder.

"He knows it's just the potion," she said. "Once they make an antidote, everything will go back to normal."

"Just hang in there," said Kankurō. "You're taking this really well."

Gaara lowered his hands but clutched at his heart instead. "It hurts…"

"Try not to dwell on it," said Temari. "Think of something else."

Tears welled up in Gaara's eyes, and his siblings immediately tried to comfort him.

"There, there, Gaara, don't cry," said Temari.

"It'll all be over soon," said Kankurō.

Gaara broke out into sobs. "H-he must h-h-hate me!"

"He's your friend!" said Kankurō. "He'd never hate you!"

"I-I scared him off!" cried Gaara.

"Kankurō scared him off," said Temari, rubbing his arm soothingly.

"Erk… Yeah, Gaara, it's all my fault," muttered Kankurō. "You can blame me."

"I-I-I'm a pervert!" sobbed Gaara.

His siblings glanced at each other awkwardly, not sure what to think about that confession. Temari pulled Gaara into a hug.

"No you're not," she said. "That potion is just messing with your brain."

"N-Naruto will never l-love me!"

"Maybe that's a good thing," said Kankurō. Gaara's sobs grew into wails, and Temari glared at Kankurō. "I-I mean, sure he will! You're such a lovable guy! You're the Kazekage!"

Gaara quieted down somewhat, taking deep breaths between sobs to try to calm himself. Temari brushed away his tears with her hand. Someone passing by paused when she saw them.

"Gaara? What are you doing here?"

Temari and Kankurō looked and saw Sakura. Kankurō smiled and stood up.

"Sakura!" he said excitedly. "You can help us!" He strode over and pulled her back to the bench with him. "We came here to visit, but somebody gave Gaara a love potion. You made an antidote to save me before—you can make one for Gaara, too!"

Sakura watched Gaara, stunned by his tears. "I already made an antidote, but—"

"Great!" said Kankurō. "I should've known you'd be on top of this! Could you give some to Gaara?"

"I haven't actually tested it yet," said Sakura.

"But you think it'll work?" asked Kankurō.

"I'm sure it will, but—"

"Perfect! I trust your skills completely. So?"

Sakura glanced from Gaara to Kankurō's grin of anticipation. She sighed; Shikamaru would have to wait. She reached into her pocket for the antidote and pulled out the vial. Kankurō grabbed it from her and turned to Gaara.

"Drink this," he said, pulling the stopper out of the vial. "It'll make you feel better."

Gaara took the vial without question and gulped down the antidote. They watched as he lowered the empty vial and closed his eyes, looking calmer. Then he started to smile.

"Thank you," he said. He opened his eyes and stood up. "I'm going to go see Naruto."

"What? Hold on!" said Temari, grabbing his arm and forcing him back down.

"Naruto?" said Sakura.

"That's who he fell for," mumbled Kankurō. "Why isn't the antidote working?"

"It might take a while to kick in," said Sakura.

"I feel great!" said Gaara. "You were right. He will love me! I just have to be assertive!"

"It's making it worse!" said Kankurō, pushing Gaara down again after he stood up a second time. "Are you sure that was the antidote?"

"Yes!" said Sakura, but she glanced into her pocket to make sure that the love potion she had was still there. "I'm sorry, I don't know why it wouldn't work! These love potions must be even more complex than I thought!"

"That's it!" said Temari angrily, standing up. "I want a word with the Hokage."

"You're gonna leave Gaara with me?" asked Kankurō, now resorting to holding his brother down to stop him from leaving.

"Yeah," said Temari. "Keep him here until I get back, and…good luck."

"He's going crazy!" said Kankurō as Gaara struggled, shouting Naruto's name.

"I'm really sorry," said Sakura. "I'll keep working on an antidote!"

She ran off, and Temari headed for the Hokage's office.

"Let me go!" snapped Gaara.

"You need to stay here," said Kankurō.

"I have to see Naruto! I want to talk to him. I can make him love me. I've got a plan!"

"Calm down!" said Kankurō. He could barely keep Gaara from breaking free. Then Gaara drew some sand out from his gourd and formed it into a fist, punching Kankurō in the face with it. Kankurō released him, and Gaara leapt to his feet, making his sand form a blindfold over his brother's eyes to give him time to run. By the time Kankurō managed to pull off the sand, Gaara was gone.

* * *

Naruto walked down the streets with his hands in his pockets. He sighed in disappointment; all because of those stupid love potions, he could not catch up with Gaara. He had come all this way to visit him, too. It was weird to think that Gaara loved him. Sure, they were good friends, they understood each other, and he had helped save Gaara from the Akatsuki, but love? Romantic love? Naruto shivered a little despite the heat and jumped back when someone almost ran into him. It was Shikaku.

"Naruto!" he said, clearly in a hurry because he walked past Naruto even as he faced and spoke to him. "Have you seen Shikamaru?"

"No," said Naruto, turning to keep him in sight.

"Let me know if you do spot him," said Shikaku, and he ran on. Naruto watched him for a moment before turning around to continue walking. However, there was someone standing in his way, a few inches in front of him. Naruto stumbled back with a shout of surprise and almost hit the ground, but a soft blanket of sand caught him mid-fall and set him upright.

"Hello, Naruto," said Gaara, smiling.

"G-Gaara!" said Naruto nervously.

Gaara held out the red heart-shaped box in his hands. "Please accept this gift from me."

"What's that?" asked Naruto.

"They're chocolates. Do you like chocolate? If not, I can get you something else. Whatever you like, I'll get it for you."

Naruto wondered if the chocolates were filled with love potion. Either way, he did not really want them. "Um, sure, I like chocolates, but I really shouldn't…"

"I insist," said Gaara. Naruto felt a bit of sand nudge his hand, urging him to take the box. He tried to shoo the sand away, but when more sand brushed against his cheek, he shivered again.

"I-I gotta go!" he said, turning and running as fast as he could. He did not dare look back, but it seemed Gaara was not following him. Naruto did not slow down until he made it home.

Panting slightly, he stepped into his bedroom. One look at his bed made him stop dead in his tracks. There, propped against his pillow, was the heart-shaped box and a bouquet of red roses. A gentle breeze was blowing through the window that he could not remember opening. Genuinely scared, Naruto thought he saw a flutter of a crimson coat and a trickle of sand in the wind just outside the window.


	6. That's How Much I Love You

**Chapter 6: That's How Much I Love You**

When he reached Ichiraku Ramen for supper, Iruka saw someone else already sitting inside. He recognized his orange clothes instantly and knew it was Naruto.

"Hey," said Iruka as he stepped in, but his greeting was cut short when Naruto spun around in his seat, clutching a kunai in both hands and pointing it at Iruka.

"Stay back! I don't love you! Oh. Hey, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka stared at the kunai, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Naruto?"

"Sorry," said Naruto, lowering the kunai. "I was expecting someone else."

"And waiting for them with a kunai at the ready?" asked Iruka, sitting next to Naruto as he turned back to the counter.

"He's in love with me because of a love potion! Crazy in love, ya know?"

"Oh," said Iruka. "How crazy?"

"He left chocolates and roses on my bed," said Naruto.

Iruka paused. "I see. Who is it?"

"…Gaara."

"The Kazekage?" blurted Iruka, and both Teuchi and Ayame looked at him.

"Shh!" said Naruto. "You want everyone to know?"

"Sorry," whispered Iruka. He turned to Ayame. "Um, the usual, please…"

She smiled. "Right away."

They were quiet as Naruto ate his ramen and Iruka waited for his. Ayame noticed a vial tucked away with the bowls when she picked one up, and she glanced at her father before preparing the ramen. When it was ready, Ayame set the bowl down in front of Iruka, saying "Enjoy!" He thanked her, mumbled "Itadakimasu," and began to eat just as Teuchi left on a delivery.

"What am I supposed to do about him?" asked Naruto.

Iruka looked at him and choked on a mouthful of noodles. Surprised, Naruto watched him cough into a napkin. After a moment or so, Iruka looked back at Naruto, eyes widening.

"Tell him you're not interested," he said.

"But he drank a love potion," said Naruto. "He doesn't care if I'm interested or not. Are you okay, Iruka-sensei?"

"You know, I'm not sure!" said Iruka, watching Naruto in curious wonder. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I guess," said Naruto. Iruka ate his ramen without shifting his eyes away from Naruto's face. Before Naruto could say anything, Ayame snatched up his bowl, and he turned to her in angry surprise.

"Hey! I'm not done eating!" he said.

"Thanks for coming!" said Ayame, but her tone and smile were not at all convincing enough to disguise her irritation.

"Hey, give that back to him," said Iruka, straightening up and glaring at Ayame. She looked at him, and then set down Naruto's bowl with so much force and precision that the ramen spilled out over the counter and the hot broth splashed onto Naruto's face. He gave a cry of pain and shut his eyes, but before he could try to wipe off the burning broth, Iruka beat him to it.

"Hold still!" he said, grabbing Naruto's head and using the back of his sleeve to scrub at the broth. Ayame watched in obvious jealousy. When Iruka got it all off, Naruto's face was red from being slightly burned, but Iruka's face was even redder. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Naruto, opening his eyes. Iruka turned back to his ramen.

"Good." He quickly resumed eating. Naruto blinked at him before looking back at Ayame. She crossed her arms and turned away.

"What's going on?" asked Naruto.

"Nothing that concerns you, idiot!" said Ayame.

"Hey!" said Naruto and Iruka. They looked at each other. Iruka blushed and turned his face away again. Horrified realization dawned on Naruto's face, and looking at Ayame once more, he asked, "Did you put something in his food?"

"Maybe," she replied.

"You gave him a love potion!" said Naruto, his mouth agape. "Since when did you like Iruka-sensei?"

"Since just now!" said Ayame.

"So you drank a love potion yourself?" asked Naruto.

"No! I only drank some water!"

"Maybe it had a love potion mixed in!"

They all glanced at each other but looked away at the same time. Naruto did not want to believe that Iruka loved him, and he could only sit there, petrified.

"Naruto," mumbled Iruka, touching his arm.

"Gyaah! Stay away from me!" Naruto spluttered, leaping back and out of his seat. He ran before Iruka could stop him.

"Get back here and pay for the food you ordered!" shouted Ayame.

"I'll pay," said Iruka, pulling out some money and tossing it on the counter before going after Naruto. He forgot to include money for his own food, but Ayame seemed to overlook this, watching him until he disappeared from view.

Naruto ran and ran, recalling what Neji had said to him the day before. Was this karma getting back at him? First Gaara, and now Iruka. If this was karma, Naruto thought, he wished he could take back the laughter and comments he had directed at Kakashi when Guy fell for him.

As if karma had decided to give him a second chance, Naruto turned a corner and ran right into Kakashi. Naruto stumbled and fell, but Kakashi caught him and pulled him to his feet.

"Kakashi-sensei!" cried Naruto, grasping his vest and shaking him violently. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Tell me you're not in love with me!"

"N-Naruto!" said Kakashi in surprise.

"Kakashi-senseeei!"

Kakashi smacked him on the head, and Naruto let him go. "I'm not in love with you! Why are you apologizing?"

"I'm sorry I laughed at you yesterday! It's not funny anymore! Everyone's falling in love with me!" said Naruto, rubbing his head.

"Who's in love with you?" asked Kakashi.

"Gaara and Iruka-sensei," mumbled Naruto.

"That can't be so bad," said Kakashi. "Wait. The Kazekage is in love with you?"

"He's crazy for me!" said Naruto. "He broke into my room to leave me presents, ya know! You gotta help me!"

"I'd love to," said Kakashi, "but there's not much I can do, and I've got a problem of my own to deal with."

Kakashi glanced over his shoulder. Crossing his arms, Naruto asked, "You mean Bushier Brows-sensei? I think Gaara is a more pressing issue!"

"Of course you think that," said Kakashi, looking back. "You're not the one Guy has been chasing around and trying to…" He shuddered.

Just then, Iruka appeared around the corner and ran into Naruto. They both toppled, but again, Kakashi caught them and set them on their feet.

"Sorry," said Iruka. He reached his hand toward Naruto.

"Stay back!" said Naruto, hiding behind his jōnin-sensei, but Kakashi stepped aside and pushed him back in front of Iruka.

"Have fun," said Kakashi, smiling and turning to go. Naruto grabbed his arm.

"Wait! Don't leave me! I said I was sorry!"

"Naruto," said Iruka. His hand still hovering in the air, but he did not reach for him again.

"I really have to go," said Kakashi. "I can't help you."

He pulled his arm free and kept walking, but something fell in front of him that made him stop. Looking down at the ground by his feet, he saw a red rose. Suddenly the air was full of rose petals. They danced around their heads and fell like feathers to the ground, and when a voice sang down to him, Kakashi looked up at the roof of the building beside them and saw Guy standing with a bag full of rose petals.

"Your hair feels softer than the lightest snow,

And it blinds me with its dazzling glow!

Through your eyes your pure soul shows;

Your Sharingan is red as a rose!"

With a grandiose sweep of his arm, Guy tossed the petals out of the bag and into the air over their heads, showering them (or rather Kakashi) with his love. The expression on Kakashi's face was that of utter horror, but Guy's poem did not stop there.

"Behind your mask you hide your face,

But you could never hide your grace!

You try to run, and I can see

That you are shy in front of me,

But rest assured, I understand!

Now come to me and take my hand!

I'll hold you close, my precious dove,

So please accept my heartfelt love!"

Guy flung himself off the roof with his arms spread like wings, aiming for Kakashi, who stepped back and narrowly avoided the glomp. Guy crashed face first into the ground. Unable to contain it any longer, Naruto burst into laughter. Scrambling to his feet, Guy ignored the bump on his head and lunged at Kakashi, capturing him in a tight hug. There was a puff of smoke and Kakashi was gone, replaced with a log. Guy dropped it and looked around frantically.

"Kakashi! Come back, my shy little dove!" he shouted.

Spotting Kakashi fleeing across the rooftops, Guy leapt into action and gave chase. Naruto was laughing so hard that there were tears in his eyes and he almost fell over, clutching his sides. Iruka smiled and started to laugh with him. One thing was certain: Naruto was never going to let Kakashi forget this.

* * *

Kankurō came out of the forest, turning his head this way and that. He was exhausted, but he could not stop, not until he found Gaara. It felt like he had searched the whole village, but his brother was nowhere to be seen. The Kazekage was on the loose, in love, and possibly dangerous, and no one knew where he was.

"Kankurō!" called Temari, and her brother started, turning to see her approaching. "I've been looking all over for you! Where've you been? Where's Gaara?"

"I lost him," muttered Kankurō. Temari stopped.

"…You lost him." She put her hands on her hips. "How do you _lose_ your own brother? Did you drop him somewhere and leave without realizing?"

"He attacked me and ran off!" said Kankurō. "I've looked everywhere, but I can't find him."

He kept walking and searching, and Temari followed.

"We'll have a great time trying to explain this back at Suna," she said. " 'What's that? Where's the Kazekage? Oh, we lost him in Konoha. Do we have a spare Kazekage we could use in case we can't find him?' "

"Oh, shut up," said Kankurō. "You try keeping the Kazekage in one place when all he wants to do is talk to the guy he loves!"

"This is too weird," mumbled Temari.

"Yeah, well, help me find him, would you?"

"He's right over there," said Temari.

Kankurō looked where she was pointing and saw Gaara leaving a shop, a bunch of boxes in his arms.

"Of course," grumbled Kankurō. "I search for over four hours and you find him in two minutes."

They ran up to Gaara and blocked his path.

"Hello," he said casually, placing the boxes on the floating platform of sand beside him, right next to the other boxes and bags on the sand. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in hours!"

"We were looking for you!" said Kankurō. "Where've _you_ been?"

"I've been buying presents for Naruto," said Gaara, walking around them. They followed him and his sand platform as he continued talking at an almost incomprehensible rate. "First I bought some chocolates and flowers, but he wouldn't accept them, so I left them in his room in case he changed his mind. I wasn't sure what he would like, I mean really like, but I've been getting some general gifts like an orange sweater, even though Konoha is really hot and I'm not sure how cold it gets in the winter here; if it doesn't get cold, he can always cut off the sleeves to make the sweater into a vest, so either way he can stay warm. What do people normally give as presents? I got him some sweets, too, and I don't want him to feel lonely, so I decided to buy him a pet. I wasn't sure if he was more of a cat person or a dog person, so I went ahead and bought a kitten and a puppy just to be safe."

There was a muffled meow from inside one of the boxes, and another box barked and shifted. Temari looked at them and moved away slightly. "You bought all this for Naruto?"

"Yes, well, I ran out of money after buying the twenty packs of instant ramen, but the shop owners were happy to give the Kazekage their products, no charge." Gaara smiled wide.

Kankurō and Temari glanced at each other.

"Uh, Gaara," said Kankurō. "I don't think Naruto wants all this junk."

Gaara stopped and spun around, making his siblings freeze. "Of course he wants it! He likes ramen and orange and—"

"I think Kankurō means that gift-giving, at least on its own, expresses a shallow love," said Temari.

Gaara looked shocked. "Shallow? My love is…shallow?"

The sand from the floating platform began to drizzle to the ground with a faint hissing sound as though the platform had sprung a leak. It crumbled and then disintegrated, and the sand cascaded to the ground, dropping the boxes and bags with it. They burst open and littered the ground with various sweets, orange clothes, instant ramen, and whatever other gifts Gaara had bought for Naruto. There was loud yowling and yapping from the kitten and puppy, both of which sprung from their boxes and scurried away with little red bows still tied around their necks. Gaara stood there quivering, clutching his head and staring at the ground.

Kankurō looked at Temari. "Nice."

She stepped through the heap of sand, gifts, and packaging and stopped in front of Gaara. When she tried to touch his shoulder, he stepped back.

"Shallow… Shallow…" he murmured.

"Gaara," said Temari, rubbing the back of her head. "I didn't mean that. I just meant to say that love is about more than presents. There are better ways to show someone how much you care."

He slowly looked up at her. "…Like what?"

"I don't know," said Temari, glancing back at Kankurō for help.

"Well, what do you like about him?" asked Kankurō awkwardly.

Gaara blushed and did not answer. He lowered his hands and returned his gaze to the ground. There were a lot of things he liked about Naruto.

"Let's not worry about it for now," said Kankurō. "We should clean this up. What do you say, Gaara?"

Gaara silently lifted his hand, and all his sand rose up off the ground and reformed into the floating platform. His siblings began stuffing the gifts back into the boxes and bags and piling them onto the platform.

"Why don't we find somewhere to sleep for the night?" asked Temari when they finished.

"Good idea," said Kankurō gratefully.

They approached their brother and urged him gently onward. As they walked, Kankurō questioned Temari about her talk with the Hokage.

"She apologized for the whole situation," said Temari, "but she said she couldn't help us beyond having some ninja watch over Gaara until the antidote is ready. I suppose she might give us somewhere secure to sleep if we ask. Then again, I don't think she likes me very much."

"What did you do?" asked Kankurō, not sure he wanted to know.

"I might have raised my voice a little," said Temari. "And maybe I said some rude things." She crossed her arms and looked at the sky, her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. "…And all right, I might've broken down the door to her office on the way out."

Kankurō pressed his palm to his face. "We'll be lucky if they even give Gaara an antidote."

"I've got it!" exclaimed Gaara suddenly. "Gifts are too impersonal! I have to show him how I feel without resorting to material things!"

His siblings looked at each other.

"Oh, I think they'll give him an antidote," said Temari. "We'll be lucky if it works."

* * *

The old woman walked into the laboratory where Sakura and several other medical ninja were working on an antidote. Yamato and Sai, who were overseeing the project, looked at the woman as she stepped up behind them.

"Delivery from Ichiraku Ramen," she said, handing Yamato a metal box with a handle and a sliding panel on the side. He thanked her, and she smiled before leaving.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" Yamato asked Sakura, opening the box and pulling out the bowls of ramen from the compartments.

"I want you to stop breathing down my neck," said Sakura, not turning away from the laboratory bench to look at the two of them sitting behind her.

"Hokage's orders," said Yamato as Sai began to eat. "If you didn't want us watching over you, then you should've told her the truth about you and Shikamaru before you were caught."

"I didn't tell him to try and run off with Hinata again!" said Sakura angrily, mashing some herbs into a test tube filled with an amber liquid. "It's not my fault he got caught by Neji and told on me. And it's not as though I was trying to make him fall for me! I just wanted to give him the antidote I thought would work!"

Yamato ate some of his ramen in silence, watching her back. "You know, it almost seems like you don't love him as much anymore."

Sakura paused. Now that she thought about it, Yamato was right. Thinking about Shikamaru wasn't making her feel good inside like it used to. Was the love potion finally wearing off? If she was back to normal, then maybe the others would soon come back to their senses as well. Then again, she hadn't drunk much of the potion in the first place, only a sip of spiked tea. Many of the others had swallowed a whole vial of potion, and surely that would last longer. Either way, it felt good to be free from this love. She smiled over her shoulder at Yamato.

"You're right," she said. "I think the potion's worn off! So it should be fine if you leave. I won't do anything weird. You can trust me!"

Yamato sat motionless, staring at her face with ramen dangling from his mouth. Smiling, Sai said, "The Hokage ordered us to keep an eye on you, so we can't leave until she gives us permission."

Sakura sighed and turned back to her work. She stirred the potential antidote and found that she was a little hungry after all.

"Hey, do you have any extra—" she began as she turned around, but at the sight of Yamato's face an inch behind her shoulder, she screamed and dropped the vial. It shattered on the workbench and the liquid spilled everywhere. "What are you doing?" she cried, stepping away from him. His eyes were wide and he was smiling, but this was somehow scarier than the fear face he so often used to control his team. He offered her the bowl of ramen in his hands.

"You can have mine," he said.

"N-never mind," she said, no longer hungry. Yamato took a step back. Glancing at the mess on the workbench, Sakura grew angry. "Great. Now I have to start over."

"Maybe you should take a break," said Yamato.

"I'm the only one in here who knows what they're doing," said Sakura, drawing a couple of annoyed looks from the other medical ninja. She started cleaning up the mess.

"You've been working for hours," said Yamato. "If you don't take breaks, your work will suffer, and then the entire village will suffer for even longer."

Sakura glanced at him and saw that his creepy smile remained. Looking at Sai, she saw him eating his ramen without a sound, apparently ignoring them, but then he spoke.

"Captain Yamato, you are no longer fit to carry out our mission, and as I too have probably consumed a love potion, it seems the mission has been jeopardized."

When Sakura fully understood what Sai had said, she turned to Yamato. He was staring at Sai, and his smile was gone.

"No longer fit?" he said. "I am still perfectly capable of watching over Sakura, even if our food is contaminated as you suggest."

"Watching over Sakura?" Sai repeated, smiling with his eyes closed. "Don't you mean 'checking her out'?"

"Don't be ridiculous," said Yamato, pinking slightly and closing his eyes. A second later, he opened one of his eyes and glanced at Sakura's chest. She twitched.

"Oh, hell no!" she shouted, punching Yamato in the face. He was sent flying across the room, and his bowl of ramen slipped from his fingers, spilling noodles, vegetables and broth everywhere before clattering to the floor. Yamato landed on his head behind his and Sai's chairs.

"I stand corrected," said Sai, smiling calmly and eating more ramen. Sakura stood there breathing heavily and the other medical ninja stared at them. Behind Sai, Yamato's leg twitched.

* * *

Kiba crossed his arms. "What do you mean we can't see her?"

"She is not allowed to see anyone until she is better," said the Hyūga standing guard at the gate. "Not even her teammates."

Shino said nothing, but Kiba was growing angrier. "This is stupid! It's not like we're going to kidnap her! We just want to see how she's doing!"

"Then you should take it up with your jōnin-sensei. She is the one who asked us to keep watch over Hinata-sama," said the Hyūga.

"Kurenai-sensei did?" said Kiba. "Why'd she order you to keep us away too?"

"You would have to ask her," said the Hyūga.

Kiba sighed and turned to Shino. "Let's go."

They started to leave just as three more people arrived. It was Asuma, Chōji and Ino.

"Why weren't we told sooner that you were keeping Shikamaru imprisoned?" asked Asuma, walking up to the Hyūga. Kiba and Shino stopped to watch.

"He is not imprisoned," said the Hyūga. "We are keeping an eye on him, considering his own family cannot seem to keep him under control."

"I'd like to see him," said Asuma.

"No one is allowed to see him until he is better," said the Hyūga.

"I'm his sensei," said Asuma.

As they argued, Shino turned his attention to Ino. She was predictably watching Kiba, who was still oblivious to her feelings, but perhaps that was temporary. When she approached them, Kiba looked at her.

"This is stupid, isn't it?" he asked her, wanting someone to agree with him.

"_So_ stupid," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"I mean, come on!" said Kiba. "We just want to talk to them!"

"I know, right?" said Ino.

Shino watched the two next to him, feeling more invisible than ever. Part of him wanted to hit Kiba just to get Ino's attention, and, of course, because Kiba was being an idiot.

"…You're a blind fool," he said. Kiba looked at him in surprise.

"Are you talking to me?" he asked.

"Make that an imbecile," said Shino. Both Kiba and Ino flared up.

"Why are you insulting me all of a sudden?" asked Kiba.

"How dare you!" snapped Ino.

"Kiba," said Shino, "how can you not see what is right in front of you?"

He looked at Ino, then back at Shino. "What are you talking about? I see her just fine!"

"You only think you see her," said Shino. "But you cannot see that she is…"

"…Are you okay?" asked Kiba.

"Maybe you should go home and get some sleep," said Ino.

Shino watched them, and when they looked back at each other, he stealthily sent a few of his insects toward Kiba's back. Akamaru barked at him, and Shino took a few steps away.

"What the—What's wrong, Akamaru?" asked Kiba, looking at his dog. Akamaru barked at his back. Before Kiba could look over his shoulder, he felt a crawling sensation under his jacket and in the back of his pants. With a shout and a spastic jerk, he began to squirm and dance around on the spot, grabbing at his backside.

"Get 'em off, get 'em off!"

Ino leapt forward and pulled up the back of Kiba's jacket, swatting at the insects. Some of them flew back to Shino, but others crawled deeper into the jacket, so Ino tried to hold Kiba still as she unzipped his jacket and wrenched it off of him. The insects flew off his fishnet shirt and she tossed his jacket to the ground before moving on to the rest of the bugs. Ino grabbed Kiba's hips, and with one swift movement, she yanked his pants down.

Now all the insects returned to Shino and Kiba stopped dead. Everyone stood there watching in stunned silence. Kiba's face turned brick-red, and Ino, still crouching in front of him with her hands around his pants, blushed just as deeply as she stared. Kiba stepped back from her and tripped, landing on his butt. She released him and stood up, backing away, and Kiba hastily pulled his pants up.

"Show's over! Stop staring!" he spat, still red. Asuma, Chōji, Ino, and the Hyūga looked away, but Shino watched Kiba snatch up his jacket and get to his feet. Kiba pulled his jacket on and zipped it up. Then he turned to Shino, seeing a few of his insects crawling across his face.

"What the hell, Shino!" he snapped. "Why'd you do that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Shino coolly.

"Don't play dumb with me!" said Kiba.

"Stooping to your level is the only way to make sure you understand me."

Kiba stared at him for a moment. "You're calling me stupid again!"

"How clever," said Shino. "Maybe you are smarter than I thought."

"What's your problem?"

"Ino deserves someone better than you."

"Huh?" Kiba looked utterly confused.

Shino started walking away. Kiba watched him go, then looked over at Ino. She was watching him, pink in the face, but she blushed harder when he turned to her. After glancing at Shino, Kiba walked over to Ino.

"…Do you love me?" he asked. Embarrassed, Ino averted her eyes and hid her face in her hands. Kiba scratched the back of his head. "You, uh, drank a love potion, didn't you?"

"I-I guess it was during our mission the other day," she mumbled. "That other chūnin who went with us… He made us breakfast on the way. He must have slipped a potion into my food."

"Makes sense," said Kiba, thinking. "But…wait… Did you put a love potion in Shino's food?"

"It was an accident," said Ino. "I was trying to put it on your food, but I spilled it!"

Kiba blinked, and she blushed red again. He decided not to pursue that matter. "But that explains why Shino was acting like that! He fell in love with you!"

"What?" said Ino. "No! Poison doesn't affect him! He said so himself!"

"The love potions aren't poison," said Kiba. "His bugs must not be able to break them down."

Ino considered. "He did try to give me flowers…"

"Flowers?" Kiba pictured Shino down on his knee, holding a bunch of roses up to Ino, and he smiled. "Ha! That shows him! I figured everything out without his help!"

"_We_ figured everything out," Ino corrected, smiling at him.

Kiba's smile faded. "Uh…"

"We make a pretty good team, don't you think?" whispered Ino, leaning against him and gazing at his face. Kiba felt his cheeks grow warm.

"Um… Hey! Chōji, how's it going?" he called, walking over to Chōji, and Ino stumbled before regaining her balance. She followed him, looking determined.

* * *

In a back room of the Hyūga Household, Shikamaru stood with his palms pressed to the wall.

"HINATA!" he shouted, his voice hoarse. "HINATA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"For God's sake, shut up!" said one of the two Hyūga standing guard by the door. Shikamaru glanced over his shoulder at them. "She cannot hear you! Stop wasting your breath!"

Shikamaru stared at them for a moment before turning back to the wall. "HINATAAAA!"

The other Hyūga rubbed his temple and muttered to the first. "He's giving me a headache."

"Our shift ends in an hour," said the first Hyūga. "Just hold on until then."

"HINATA! HINATAAA—" Shikamaru's voice cracked, and he fell silent. After a long pause, he lowered his head and his hands, walked over to the small bed in the corner, and slumped onto the mattress, staring down at his dirty bare feet on the floor.

"Thank God," breathed the first Hyūga.

Shikamaru's head was hanging so low that they could not see the smile on his face. He was not going to just sit in here until the potion wore off; he had to see Hinata, and waiting would simply not do. Placing his fingertips together to form a circle with his hands, he closed his eyes and thought.

* * *

***** Omake: The Perfect Gift *****

It had been five days since Gaara had drunk the love potion and left Konoha. When he ran from Kankurō, there was only one thing on his mind: he had to find the perfect gift for Naruto. It took him a while to realize what that gift was. He would have to leave the village to get it, and it would be difficult to find, but such a perfect gift was worth the effort. Now that he had it, there was nothing stopping him from showing Naruto just how far he was willing to go for him.

Gaara searched Konoha for Naruto, a huge platform of sand floating behind him. On this platform was a box even bigger than he was. The gift that would prove his love… And there was Naruto, on his way to Ichiraku Ramen for supper. The sun was setting, casting a romantic orange and pink glow in the sky. Gaara could not have wished for a better atmosphere.

"Naruto!" he called out, smiling and running toward him with the present following at his heels. Naruto turned and froze upon seeing him.

"G-Gaara! I thought you left!" he said fearfully.

"I did, but only to find you a present," said Gaara, stopping in front of him. "It was difficult to get my hands on, but I hope you love it!"

He stepped aside and let the sand platform bring the present closer to Naruto. Looking at it uncertainly and glancing at Gaara, Naruto grabbed the bow on the box and untied it. Then he lifted the lid and tossed it aside to reveal an unconscious Sasuke Uchiha, bound from shoulders to ankles with pink ribbon, and he was blindfolded with a separate ribbon that was tied into a cute little bow between his eyes.

"S…Sasuke!" gasped Naruto.

"I gave him a love potion, so make sure the first person he sees is you," said Gaara. "He won't want to leave after that. And here are some more potions so it will last longer."

He held out a smaller box, but Naruto was still gaping at Sasuke, at a loss for words. Gaara pulled off the bow-blindfold and stepped back, giving the box a heavy kick. Sasuke stirred and his eyes flickered open.

"N…Naruto…?" he murmured, eyes widening.

"S-Sasuke… You're back…" said Naruto.

Sasuke stared at him, realized he was tied up, and turned the same shade of pink as the ribbons. He began to squirm, and Gaara smiled.

"Well? Do you like your present?" he asked.

Naruto reached into the box and hugged his old teammate. "Sasuke!"

Gaara beamed to see him so happy. After a long moment, Naruto straightened up and looked at Gaara.

"Thank you," he said, walking over and hugging the Kazekage out of pure joy and gratefulness. Gaara blushed and returned the hug. Then they heard movement and looked over to see Sasuke running away, only a short piece of pink ribbon still tied to him at the wrist, fluttering through the air as he went.

"Sasuke! Wait!" shouted Naruto, giving chase. Sasuke jerked to a stop as though Naruto's voice had physically bound him to the spot.

"_What is this jutsu?_" he cried. "Release me!"

"This isn't a jutsu," said Naruto, stopping beside him and looking into his eyes.

"It's love," said Gaara, joining them.

"No," said Sasuke. "This isn't happening! It's genjutsu!"

"It's okay, Sasuke!" said Naruto, not really comprehending that his friend was in love with him. He was still overwhelmed with Sasuke being back.

"It's not okay!" he said, blushing furiously. "How are you making me feel this way?"

"I gave you a love potion," Gaara explained. "Or three. I had to make sure you would care enough to stay."

Sasuke stared into Naruto's eyes and seized his arms. Naruto's smile faded. Then Sasuke kissed him fiercely, and both Naruto and Gaara froze. Gaara could not tear his eyes from their lips. He realized now that he had made a terrible mistake in thinking Sasuke was the perfect gift, or at least in trying to make sure he stayed in Konoha.

"Back in the box!" shouted Gaara, sending his sand at Sasuke and around his arms and waist. He forced him off Naruto and dragged him back to the box.

"Naruto!" said Sasuke, struggling to break free of the sand tentacles' grasp. Gaara punched him as he was dragged past. Naruto stood there in a daze, utterly incapable of reacting to anything around him. When Sasuke reached the box, Gaara stuffed him back inside and formed a heavy club out of his sand. The club beat Sasuke about the head until he was knocked unconscious. Gaara put the lid back on the box and returned to Naruto's side.

"Naruto," he said. Naruto stood there staring vacantly into space. Cautiously, Gaara lifted his hand and touched Naruto's shoulder. Naruto wobbled and crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.


	7. Almost Foolproof Plans for Being With—

**Chapter 7: Almost Foolproof Plans for Being With the One You Love**

Shikamaru rubbed his shoulder as he walked past the unconscious Hyūga guards in front of Hinata's bedroom door. He had gotten this far, but if his prediction was correct, there was going to be one more person in his way. As he opened the door and stepped into her room, he found out that he was right. Neji stood in the middle of the room, facing the door with his Byakugan activated and his hands at the ready. Behind him stood Hinata, whose face lit up when she saw Shikamaru.

"You are out of control," said Neji. "I cannot believe you would try to kidnap Hinata-sama!"

"It's troublesome, but it's the only way to be with her," said Shikamaru, still sounding hoarse from his shouting earlier. "Hinata, are you okay?"

"Yes," she said. "Are you?"

"I am now that you're with me," said Shikamaru. He gave her a charming smile, and she blushed. Neji frowned.

"You will not get away with this!"

"Who's going to stop me?" asked Shikamaru. "I took out all those Hyūga, and one more won't be a problem."

"We will see," said Neji.

"Yes, we will, Neji," said Shikamaru, raising his voice. "But do you really stand a chance? It's three against one!"

"Three?" repeated Neji, looking confused, but just then the window burst open and Lee leapt into the room. Neji turned to the new arrival with his hands poised in front of him.

"Thanks for your help, Lee," said Shikamaru. He smiled at the look of shock Neji was unable to conceal.

"No! Thank _you_!" said Lee, approaching Neji. "They refused to let me in to see you, Neji, but Shikamaru-kun said it was okay and helped me find you!" He looked at Shikamaru and struck a nice guy pose. "I owe you one!"

"Then how about you keep Neji busy?" asked Shikamaru. "Don't let him leave, all right? Come on, Hinata!"

He ran to the window, and Hinata followed, barely dodging when her cousin made a grab at her. Neji tried to go after them, but Lee got in his way.

"I have to tell you something," said Lee as Shikamaru and Hinata vaulted out of the window.

"Not now!" said Neji, attempting to push him aside, but Lee grasped his shoulder and held him back, standing his ground.

"It is extremely important!" said Lee.

"This is more important! Step aside!" said Neji.

"Not until you hear me out!" insisted Lee. "You have been my teammate for a long time now…"

"Do not make me use force!"

But Shikamaru and Hinata were already leaving through the front gate, and even though Neji was fast, he would not be able to catch up in time.

Probably.

* * *

It was two in the morning and Gaara could not sleep. He paced from one end of the dark room to the other, glancing over at his siblings sleeping on the beds that the Hokage had provided. They would not miss him for hours. Moving silently, Gaara strapped his gourd to his back and slipped on his shoes before leaving through the window, using his sand to carry him through the air.

The sky was strewn with stars, the night peaceful and beautiful, but he cared not for any of it. The only thing that captivated him was Naruto, and it was to him Gaara headed now. Only there could he feel happy and at peace. When he arrived at Naruto's house, he stopped outside his bedroom window and sat down on his floating sand. He gazed in at Naruto's sleeping figure and smiled; he could stay here watching the one he loved until he was up, and that's exactly what he did. The sun had risen long before Gaara realized it was morning. He was so entranced that he did not even stop staring when Naruto stirred and sat up, rubbing his eyes with his fists.

Naruto lowered his hands and looked at the window. With a scream and a scrambling movement, Naruto fell out of his bed and hit the floor with a thud. Gaara sat up straighter, trying to see him over his bed, and Naruto staggered to his feet.

"W-what are you doing outside my window?" he shouted, stepping back so fast he almost tripped.

"I couldn't sleep," said Gaara. "I wanted to see you."

"Were you watching me sleep?" asked Naruto.

"Is that bad?" asked Gaara, his smile faltering.

"Yes! It's very bad! And creepy! Get away from my house!"

"Creepy…?" Gaara's eyes glazed over. His sand began to trickle away beneath him, and when it crumbled, he plummeted to the ground. Naruto ran over to the window and looked out, seeing that Gaara's sand had solidified just enough to break his fall. Grabbing his clothes, Naruto decided to change in another room in case Gaara came back up to watch.

When he was dressed, Naruto headed for the front door. With any luck, Gaara had left by now. Naruto opened the door a crack and peeked through. Seeing Gaara standing there, he froze, wondering how unlucky he really was.

"I didn't get to say good morning," said Gaara. Naruto slammed the door in his face. Looking puzzled, Gaara only stood there for a while, but then he knocked. There was no answer. He decided to make sure that Naruto wasn't sneaking out through a window, so he circled the house. Gaara spotted him running off down the street and went after him.

"Naruto! I just want to talk!" he shouted.

"I don't believe you!" Naruto called back without looking over his shoulder. He ran faster, but then a bunch of sand caught him from behind and held him still, twisting around him like ropes and anchoring his feet to the spot. Gaara slowed down and stopped in front of him, turning so they were face to face.

"As Kazekage, I ask you to sit and talk with me," said Gaara.

"Ask?" sputtered Naruto, trying to wriggle out of the sand. "You're ordering me!"

"This is not an order. It is a request. Please, Naruto."

"Make me!"

"As you wish," said Gaara. "Where would you like to talk?"

"Nowhere! I don't wanna talk!" said Naruto. "Let me go!"

"How about we sit under that tree?" suggested Gaara. Without waiting for an answer, he brought Naruto over to the tree he indicated and forced him to sit in the shade, keeping him bound by the sand. Gaara sat next to him and looked at his face.

"Gaara, don't you love me?" asked Naruto desperately. Gaara blushed and turned his face away in embarrassment. "Then don't keep me tied up like this!"

"But I want to talk," mumbled Gaara.

"…Fine. But let me go first," said Naruto, glancing away.

"You won't run?" asked Gaara.

"No," said Naruto.

Gaara looked back at him and returned his sand to his gourd. Naruto rubbed his arm and remained seated, avoiding his gaze. When was the potion going to wear off?

"I'm sorry," said Gaara quietly.

"Uh, don't worry about it," said Naruto. "It's not your fault." But in his mind he was still horrified and screaming about how creepy it was that Gaara had a major crush on him.

"S-so, did you like your presents?" asked Gaara.

"Um…they were nice, ya know?" said Naruto, thinking it was probably best that Gaara did not know he had thrown the chocolates and roses in the trash.

"I bought you other presents, but I decided they weren't good enough," said Gaara.

Naruto wondered what presents he had bought. "That's fine. I really don't need anything anyway."

"My love goes deeper than gifts could ever show," said Gaara in little more than a whisper. "You saved me from the darkness. And when the Akatsuki came after me, you came to save me like a knight in shining armor… You're my hero."

"Eh?"

Gaara smiled at him and touched his hand. Naruto jerked his hand back and said quickly, "We're just friends!"

"I don't want to be friends," said Gaara. "I want _you_!"

Naruto paled and Gaara turned an even brighter shade of scarlet. Scrambling to his feet, Naruto made a run for it.

"Wait!" said Gaara, throwing out his hand and sending his sand after him. He caught Naruto by the ankle, tripping him, and he slammed face first into the ground. Gaara leapt up and hurried over. "I'm sorry! Are you okay?"

Naruto staggered up and clutched his nose, trying to keep his back to Gaara, but Gaara kept walking around Naruto to see his face.

"I'm fine," said Naruto, but Gaara grabbed his arm and pulled his hand away from his nose.

"Oh no!" he gasped. "I'm sorry, Naruto, I'm so sorry!"

"I'm fine!" insisted Naruto, using the back of his hand to wipe away the blood trickling from his nostrils.

"You have to go to the hospital!" said Gaara.

"It's not that bad," said Naruto.

"You're bleeding! Come on!"

Gaara dragged him off, but Naruto was a little relieved. At least this distracted Gaara from their talk, and if he asked the medical ninja at the hospital, maybe they could give him some temporary protection from the Kazekage.

* * *

Kakashi entered the library and saw Sai sitting at a table with a few books. He came over and sat across from him.

"What are you doing here?" asked Kakashi.

"I am looking up some things. What about you?" asked Sai, opening one of the books.

"Just looking for a quiet place to read," said Kakashi.

"In other words, you are hiding from Guy-sensei," said Sai with a smile.

"Uh, yeah. How'd you know?"

Sai scanned through the pages of the book as he explained. "Last night, Yamato-sensei and I ordered from Ichiraku Ramen. When I went to return the bowls and the delivery box, I spoke with the owners a bit, and they mentioned that they had seen Guy-sensei drag you away after drinking a love potion and falling in love with you."

"So we're the hot gossip topic in Konoha, huh?" sighed Kakashi.

"I don't know about that," said Sai. "It just came up after I told them about the love potion that had been put in our food."

Kakashi straightened up. "What? Who put it there?"

"None of us know for certain, but because of it, Yamato-sensei has become Sakura's stalker and I have become infatuated with Ayame-san."

Sai turned the page of the book and Kakashi grabbed his head. "These potions are really getting out of hand…but…it seems the woman selling them is no longer as concerned with being paid. She gave one to the Kazekage, too. If she's finding ways to slip these potions into people's food and tricking people into consuming them, it's safe to assume she's doing this for some reason other than wealth. Perhaps she feels she's doing Konoha a service by spreading love, even where it isn't wanted…"

"Perhaps," said Sai, still perusing the book in front of him. "Hm. This says that I should strike up a conversation so we can get to know each other, and then it talks about compliments. Does this sound like good advice to you?"

"Huh?" said Kakashi. He took a closer look at the pile of books in front of Sai and saw that they were all about getting into and maintaining healthy relationships. Before Kakashi could answer his question, the library door burst open and Guy ran over to them.

"Kakashi, my love! I have found you at last! You can run all you like, but the power of love will always guide me to you like a compass pointing ever north!"

Kakashi stood up and faced Guy with his hands held in front of him. "Couldn't you give me some time to myself? You're smothering me here!"

"Not even an ocean could keep me from you!" said Guy, stepping towards Kakashi.

"Excuse me, Guy-sensei," said Sai. "What advice could you give me on starting a relationship with a girl?"

"You're asking Guy?" said Kakashi in disbelief, but Guy turned to Sai and gave him a dazzling smile.

"Ohh, yes!" he exclaimed. "You've come to the right guy! So you're in love, are you?"

"Yes," said Sai, smiling back. "She is rather ugly, but this love potion has made me feel an intriguing attraction to her despite all of her obvious flaws."

"Love is a mysterious and powerful force!" said Guy, sitting in the chair that Kakashi had just vacated. "You must show her how you feel! Do not hide a shred of your love or your soul! By stripping away your pasty guise of passionless composure, you leave your true self exposed and vulnerable, and she will see you as you truly are!"

"Stripping?" repeated Sai thoughtfully.

Kakashi could see where this was headed, but rather than try to guide Sai in the proper direction (in other words, as far away from Guy's advice as possible), he decided to take this opportunity to slip away while Guy was distracted. It wouldn't be long before Guy found him again, but he wanted as much time to relax as he could get—not that he could really relax with Guy willing to chase him to the ends of the earth and back.


	8. The Super Secret Scary Steamy Lovey—

**Chapter 8: The Super Secret Scary Steamy Lovey-Dovey Trip to the Hot Springs**

When Naruto left the hospital with his nose fully healed, he was almost suffocated as Gaara, lying in wait just outside the front doors, pounced at him upon his exit and gave him a bone-crushing hug.

"Naruto!" he cried, clutching Naruto's back and squeezing all the air out of his lungs. "I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I didn't mean to hurt you! You're okay now, right?"

"G…Gaara! C-can't…breathe…!"

Gaara released him and Naruto gasped for air.

"Sorry," repeated Gaara weakly.

"Just…stay away from me," said Naruto, walking past him. He had decided to be firmer with him in the hopes that he might actually listen.

"Naruto!" said Gaara suddenly, making him stop and glance back. Gaara was trembling and his face was burning again, but he looked determined. "Please go out with me!"

Naruto was so appalled that he could not answer at once. "…No! I'm not interested!"

Looking into Gaara's eyes, Naruto could almost see his heart breaking in his chest. Guilt surged into him. Gaara was his friend, after all, and he was struggling with an emotion that he did not understand and could not control. What was Naruto supposed to do? He could not date his friend, but there was no gentle way to turn him down.

"Gaara, I'm sorry, but you're my friend," said Naruto.

"I understand," said Gaara shakily.

Naruto watched him for a moment before turning and continuing on. "Get better soon."

Gaara watched him until he was out of sight. Then he dragged his feet over to a tree and slumped down in the dirt, hugging his knees to his chest. _You're the Kazekage_, he thought. _Pull yourself together. You've been through worse. And it's not over. You're just moving too fast._

He rocked back and forth on the spot for several minutes before he heard someone shout his name. Looking up, he saw Kankurō and Temari running toward him.

"Gaara!" said Kankurō. "Stop running off like that! When we woke up and you were gone, we—we searched everywhere—"

Gaara stood up and hugged his brother, sobbing into his shoulder. Startled, Kankurō only stood there with his hands suspended next to Gaara's quivering back. Temari watched them with a mixture of astonishment and concern.

"What's wrong?" asked Kankurō.

Gaara tried to explain what had happened, but his voice came out as an incomprehensible wail. Glancing at his sister, Kankurō patted Gaara's head uncertainly.

"Gaara… Gaara, get a hold of yourself, I can't understand you," he said.

Gaara grasped Kankurō's shirt and blew his nose loudly with it. Kankurō went rigid, and Temari grimaced, wrinkling her nose. Taking great shuddering breaths, Gaara stepped back and wiped the tears roughly from his eyes.

"He…he…just wants…to be friends," said Gaara. "I-I…asked…him out…and he said…he said no!"

Temari grabbed her forehead. She wanted to be frank with him and say that Naruto would never like him that way, that he needed to move on because he would never win this battle; she wanted to be honest, but she had never seen Gaara in this state before the love potion, and it tugged at her heartstrings. She felt compelled to comfort her brother and give him false hope, but that would only make things worse for both him and Naruto.

"…Come here," she said, holding out her arms.

Gaara wobbled over to her and they hugged one another, Temari somewhat clumsily because his gourd was in the way.

"We're here for you," she said.

"Yeah," said Kankurō. "You can come to us whenever you need a shoulder to cry on…or wipe your nose on…"

Temari turned her head slightly so he wouldn't see her smiling. Gaara sniffed and asked, "Do you think he'll ever love me?"

Closing her eyes and sighing, Temari searched her mind for something she could say that was not a lie but would not hurt him. "I think he cares deeply for you already, and whatever happens, you have to stay strong."

"You're right," said Gaara, holding her tighter. "But…do you think I might've been coming on too strong?"

"I don't know," said Temari.

"I told him how I feel, but it only scared him away," said Gaara.

Kankurō stepped closer. "Gaara. He's still your friend. That's what he's comfortable with, and it should be enough for you. There's no reason to rush through any relationship."

Gaara released his sister, and she stepped back. He looked at Kankurō. "It's not enough. And I can't take it slow when I feel this way just being away from him! Don't worry. I'll be strong, and I'll keep trying! I can't give up so easily!"

"No!" said Kankurō hastily. "No, that's not what we said!"

"I know," said Gaara. "And I can see what you're doing. You're trying to stop me from being with him!"

"That's not true!" said Temari.

"Don't ruin your friendship," said Kankurō.

"Like I told him, I don't want to be friends!" said Gaara, and then he ran off.

"Nice work," Temari snapped at Kankurō as both of them chased their little brother.

* * *

This was getting to be too stressful for Naruto. He needed some way to relax, and what was more relaxing than a trip to the hot springs? Although he still felt guilty about earlier, he was fairly confident that Gaara was not going to chase him down anymore. He could finally get some peace.

At the hot springs, after he washed himself and tied a towel around his waist, Naruto made his way to the outdoor bath. There were a few people already in the water, but he could not make out their faces through the steam. He folded up his towel and placed it on his head as he slid into the hot water. It felt so good that he wanted to stay for the rest of the day. He closed his eyes and leaned against the edge of the spring, feeling his muscles slacken.

"Naruto?"

He looked and saw Kakashi in the water a few feet to his right, still wearing his forehead protector over his Sharingan, one towel tied around his face as a mask and another towel folded on top of his head like Naruto's. "Kakashi-sensei? What are you doing here?"

"Trying to relax," said Kakashi.

"Still hiding from Bushier Brows-sensei?" asked Naruto.

Kakashi sunk a little lower into the water. "…Yeah. And you from the Kazekage?"

"I don't think he's gonna chase me anymore, ya know," said Naruto.

"Why's that?" asked Kakashi.

"I talked to him and he seemed to understand that I wasn't interested."

"Really? How did you manage to make him listen?"

"I was really firm with him, and I said no when he asked me out," mumbled Naruto.

Kakashi sighed. "Well, I hope he leaves you alone. It won't be so easy for me."

Someone else entered the bath area and froze. "N-Naruto!"

Naruto looked over and saw Iruka standing there in his towel, staring at him in red-faced embarrassment. As Naruto moved away slightly, Iruka reached out a hand.

"Wait! I'm sorry; I didn't know you were here! I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so I'm trying to stay away from you until I get an antidote. I just want you to know that I don't like feeling this way about you! So…I'll see you!"

Iruka turned and ran back into the building. After blinking in surprise, Naruto turned back to Kakashi and saw him sink a little lower to where only his head was above the water's surface.

"How considerate of him," he mumbled. "If only Guy thought that way."

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, smiling a bit. "Sorry, Kakashi-sensei."

"Just don't tell him I've been going here," said Kakashi. "It's the one place he hasn't managed to find me yet."

"All right," said Naruto. He looked around and noticed a familiar head of long white hair over by the wall that divided the men's and women's baths. "Hey, is that Ero-sennin?"

"Yes," said Kakashi. "I'd tell him to stop spying on the women, but I'm tired and he won't listen anyway."

Naruto decided to say hello to him. He waded over and stopped beside Jiraiya, who was peeking through a hole in the wall. Before Naruto could say a word, Jiraiya reached out a hand and covered his mouth, not even looking at him.

"Shh," said Jiraiya quietly. "Don't let them hear you!"

Naruto pushed Jiraiya's hand off his face. "All right," he mumbled. "I just wanted to say hi, ya know."

"Oh ho ho! It's really working!" whispered Jiraiya with a grin.

"What's working?" asked Naruto.

"Can you keep a secret?" asked Jiraiya.

"Yeah," said Naruto, raising an eyebrow.

"I poured love potions into the women's bath, and they've evaporated and become part of the steam! The women are breathing it in and falling in love with each other!"

"What? You poured—"

"Shh!" said Jiraiya again.

"You're making them fall in love with each other?" hissed Naruto.

"It was too perfect an opportunity to pass up! Oh ho, I could use this in my next novel…" Jiraiya smiled wide, staring unblinkingly through the hole, and his face was so red that it seemed to be the source of some of the steam. Naruto sighed and returned to his spot near Kakashi. The love potions wouldn't be such a problem if people wouldn't use them for such stupid reasons.

Naruto leaned back and closed his eyes. Kakashi already had his eyes closed, but he opened them suddenly, looking at the rippling water a few feet in front of him. Glancing this way and that, the only people he saw were Naruto, Jiraiya, and a few villagers who were minding their own business. A feeling of dread rose up inside Kakashi. Someone else was here, someone he couldn't see. His muscles tensed and he rose slightly.

Then there was a huge splash, and Naruto's eyes shot open. Someone had just popped up from under the water, surfacing directly in front of Kakashi with his arms spread out: it was Guy, stark naked.

"Kakashi, my eternal lover!" he shouted, teeth gleaming. His eye wide with shock and fear, Kakashi punched Guy's face as hard as he could, and Guy spun and fell back into the water with an even heavier splash. He bobbed face down just under the surface, apparently unconscious.

Breathing heavily, his heart pounding in his chest, Kakashi remained half-standing with his hands still in fists. Naruto looked from Guy to Kakashi, his mouth hanging open. Everyone else in the bath, even Jiraiya, was staring at them. Kakashi glanced around.

"…He surprised me," he mumbled. Naruto didn't blame him. Relaxing somewhat, Kakashi waded over and lifted Guy's head above the water. Then he pulled his body over to the edge of the hot spring and heaved him out onto the ground. "I guess it's not safe for me here anymore, so I'll see you, Naruto," said Kakashi, tying his towel around his waist as he climbed out. He grabbed Guy and dragged him into the building.

Jiraiya returned to looking through the hole in the dividing wall, and Naruto tried to relax again. He was much warier now, and he kept his eyes open, scanning the water around him. There seemed to be even more steam than before. Naruto could not help feeling that someone was lurking just out of his range of vision. He crouched down to where everything below his nose was underwater, making himself seem smaller and harder to see because the steam was thickest just above the water. Growing increasingly paranoid, sure that someone was going to pop up in front of him at any second, Naruto sidled along the edge of the bath.

Then he bumped into someone and turned his head to see Gaara in the water next to him.

Naruto shrieked and leapt away, but Gaara splashed after him and seized his arm. "Don't run," he said, smiling. To Naruto, that smile was far more terrifying than it had been to see the chocolates and roses on his bed or Gaara's face at his window upon waking up. "I don't like the water, but I came in here anyway because it's not so bad with you at my side. So please, don't run. I want to bond with you."

"I told you I'm not interested, ya know!" said Naruto, trying desperately to push Gaara's hand off his arm. Gaara pulled him closer and Naruto shouted, "Help! Ero-sennin!"

Jiraiya glanced over his shoulder, annoyed at the interruption. "Fight your own battles, Naruto! And be quiet! You're distracting the ladies!" Then he looked back through the hole.

Gaara grabbed Naruto's shoulder and tried to hold him still as he floundered. "Relax. That's what hot springs are for, right?"

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" yelled Naruto. "HELP ME!"

"Naruto! People are staring!" said Gaara. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

The villagers in the bath were indeed staring, but they seemed to have decided that things were getting a little too rowdy in here. One by one they started to leave, watching awkwardly or averting their eyes as Gaara held Naruto against the edge of the bath.

"No! Don't leave me alone with him!" said Naruto, reaching a hand out to the villagers. It was times like these, he realized, that it really sucked to be shunned because of the Kyūbi sealed inside him. They kept walking, but maybe it was only because they did not want to be involved. There was not much they could do to stop the Kazekage anyway.

"Finally, a little privacy," said Gaara. Part of the heat radiating from his face had nothing to do with the heat from the bath. He ran his finger down Naruto's chest, and Naruto froze up.

"E-Ero-sennin is still here, ya know!" he said.

Gaara looked over at Jiraiya, and then turned back to Naruto. "He's not paying attention."

Gaara moved in for a kiss. Throwing out his hand, Naruto pushed Gaara's face back and kicked out at him. "Stay back! Don't make me hurt you!"

Gaara grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand off his face. He came closer again, ignoring Naruto's kicks.

"I need you, Naruto," said Gaara.

Naruto struggled violently and managed to twist one arm free. He formed a hand seal and two of his shadow clones appeared behind Gaara, grasping his arms and pulling him away from the real Naruto. Gaara looked at the clones in surprise, but when Naruto scrambled out of the water, wrapping his towel around his middle, he did not cover up fast enough to escape Gaara's eyes. The Kazekage's pink face blazed red and blood spurted out of his nose.

Naruto ran inside and over to the basket where his clothes were stored. He was in such a rush to get dressed that he did not notice Kankurō striding in, looking around. When he spotted Naruto, he darted over.

"Naruto! I heard you shout! Have you seen Gaara?"

"What do you think?" snapped Naruto, pulling his pants on. "He's right out there!"

Kankurō hurried out to the bath area and stopped dead when he saw his bloody-faced brother wrestling with two naked Narutos. They were trying to delay him to give the original Naruto time to escape, but Gaara kept slipping out of their grasps and they were reluctant to stay near him at all knowing that they were pretty much being used as a miniature, Gaara-oriented Harem Technique. It didn't help that one of them accidentally stood up too straight and made more blood gush from Gaara's nostrils.

"Gaara!" cried Kankurō as his brother flopped backwards from the force of the nosebleed. One of the Naruto clones caught him before he hit the water, and Gaara lay limp and dazed in his arms. Kankurō stepped closer to see if he was all right and the clones looked at him.

"Kankurō!" said one, smiling in relief. "Good, you can take him, ya know!"

The clones brought Gaara over and out of the water, laying him at his brother's feet before vanishing in two puffs of smoke. Naruto was pulling on his jacket over his shirt when his clones and their memories returned to him, making him pause.

"Oh, nice going, letting him see! Stupid clone!" he snapped.

Kankurō squatted down next to Gaara, but then Gaara sat bolt upright. He staggered to his feet and looked to make sure his towel was still around his waist. Before Kankurō could stop him, he hurried into the building, his wet feet slipping a little.

"Wait!" said Kankurō, going after him.

Growing more irritated at all the noise, Jiraiya turned to tell them to be quiet again, but he froze when he saw the blood spreading through the water.

Naruto finished putting his shoes back on and looked over his shoulder to see Gaara charging at him. With a little cry and a stumble, Naruto ran for it.

"Naruto! Come back!" said Gaara, reaching out a hand as he pursued him.

"Gaara! Stop!" said Kankurō, hot on his brother's heels.

Naruto made it outside and sprinted down the street. Temari, who had been waiting by the door for Kankurō to come back out, blinked when Naruto sped past. Then came Gaara dressed in nothing but a towel, and a moment after that came Kankurō. Startled, Temari joined the chase. Several villagers gaped at them as they ran by.

"Stay awaaaay!" cried Naruto.

"Get back here, Gaara!" yelled Kankurō.

Gaara ignored him and ran faster. His speed combined with an extra gust of wind was enough to cause his towel to slip; it came loose and fluttered back through his wake, flying smack into Kankurō's face. Kankurō jerked the towel off, looked at his brother, and paled like Temari. They both put on an extra burst of speed. Kankurō held out the towel in front of him, shouting, "G-Gaara! Your towel! _Put on your towel!_"


	9. Can't Stop the Love

**Chapter 9: Can't Stop the Love**

What beautiful clouds. They were so white, so free… So why was Shikamaru ignoring them? Something much more beautiful was right beside him. He and she were lying in the grass, and they had been gazing up at the clouds beyond the forest treetops, but the sight was not enough to keep their eyes off each other. Their faces were turned and their gazes locked, their fingers entwined. Hinata had shattered all his plans of marriage, but that didn't matter. This was better than he had ever imagined love could be.

Shikamaru smiled, and she smiled back. He sat up slightly and came closer, closing his eyes and kissing her.

"Found you."

His eyes shot open and he looked over to see his father standing by a tree, watching them. Shikamaru and Hinata rose to their feet, pulling their hands apart. Shikaku smiled faintly.

"The Nara Clan Forest," he said. "I should've figured it out sooner. But you should've realized that a Nara would find you hiding here sooner or later."

"I hoped it would be later," said Shikamaru.

"You're losing your touch," said Shikaku. "That potion has made you less observant. Or did you notice that you've been captured?"

Shikamaru's eyes widened. He couldn't move, and from what he could tell, neither could Hinata.

"Time to go home," said Shikaku, stepping closer.

"How many Nara did you bring with you?" asked Shikamaru.

"Just enough," said Shikaku. He gestured for someone to come over, and Shikamaru heard several pairs of footsteps behind him. His hands were forced behind his back as someone tied his wrists with rope.

"Sorry, Hinata," said Shikamaru. "It'll take some time to get out of this one."

"I can wait for you, Shikamaru-kun," said Hinata. "And you can wait for me."

"Oh, are you going to kidnap me this time? I know you're capable, but the man is supposed to protect the woman."

Shikaku cocked his eyebrow at them. "You're not getting back together this time."

"No one can keep me away from her," said Shikamaru. He smiled and started planning as the Nara clan members took them back to the village.

* * *

The sun had set, and Sai was walking down the twilit street toward Ichiraku Ramen. He had been considering Guy's advice all day, but now, it was time to take action. With a broad smile, he stepped into the noisy restaurant.

Every seat was taken. There were men, women, even a young girl, and all of them were trying to get either Ayame's or Teuchi's attention. The owners were refusing bouquets of roses and shouting over their customers' compliments and questions.

"Get out! No, I don't want them!" said Ayame.

"We're closed! I told you, we're closed!" bellowed Teuchi.

"Who put love potions in our food supplies?" cried Ayame, turning to her father.

"Hey!" said Teuchi, spotting Sai. "Could you help us?"

Sai blinked, still smiling. He stepped closer to two men in front of Ayame and grabbed them by their necks. With one swift jerk, he flung them out of the restaurant. Then he took one of their seats and smiled at Ayame.

"Do you mind if I sit here? It's getting dark out, but your eyes light up my world."

Ayame froze and glanced at her father. "He's one of them!"

"Stay away from my daughter!" said Teuchi. He stepped closer to Sai, but the woman sitting next to him reached out and grasped Teuchi's arm.

"What do you say to some ramen at my house?" she asked. Teuchi pulled his arm free and backed away.

"Everyone get out!" he shouted.

"Please accept these roses!" said one man, holding them up to Teuchi like a sacrificial offering.

"I love you!" said a woman.

"She's mine!" said one of the men that Sai had thrown out. He stepped up behind Sai and threw a punch at his head, but Sai ducked.

"Hm," he said, dodging more punches. "I hadn't planned for this."

"Ayame-chan!" said a young man, slamming his palms onto the counter. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"

A burly man cracked his knuckles and asked, "Shall I take care of these no-good, desperate—"

"I already love someone!" shouted Ayame.

Everyone, even Teuchi, fell silent and looked at her. She blushed.

"…What?" said her father. "Who?"

"We're closed! Get out, right now!" said Ayame.

Nobody moved. Someone peeked into the restaurant and froze; Ayame held her breath when she spotted him, and some of the customers looked over their shoulders. Iruka looked from one face to the next. Sai glanced at Ayame, noticing the color deepening in her face.

"Is it him?" he asked her. "The one you love?"

"That guy?" muttered the burly man.

"N-no!" said Ayame.

"What's going on?" asked Iruka, taking a nervous step back.

The burly man stood up. "D'you like Ayame-chan?"

"What? No!" said Iruka.

Ayame's eyes widened, and she turned away. The young man who had called her beautiful jumped to his feet. "Are you okay?" he asked. Then he looked at Iruka. "You…you should've been more sensitive!"

"You hurt her feelings." The burly man cracked his knuckles again.

"W-wait!" said Iruka. "I didn't mean to! I'm sorry! Let's not start a fight…"

"Coward!" growled the burly man. He stomped over and swung his fist, but Iruka dodged.

"Hold on!" he said, but the man threw more punches.

"Don't fight!" said Ayame.

The young man rushed over and stepped between them, but he was simply punched. The young girl jumped up, ran toward them, and kicked the burly man's ankles. Her mother ran over and pulled her away as the man flipped around and the young man drove his fist into the other's head. Now some of the others joined the fray, but Sai stayed where he was and watched Ayame.

"Hey gorgeous. How about we go somewhere quiet?" he asked, smiling again.

Ayame clutched her head and screamed in frustration.

* * *

Chōji watched Ino arranging flowers in her family's shop while she hummed a cheerful tune. She had been in an awfully good mood lately, and he had to wonder why.

"Ino, why are you so happy?" he asked.

"Business is booming!" she said. "You saw all those customers coming in for flowers!"

"Yeah, but you seemed to be in a good mood this morning, too," said Chōji.

"It's love," said Ino. "I'll win his heart for sure! How do I look?"

She twirled around to face him. Chōji frowned; she was wearing her normal outfit with her yellow apron.

"Um, you look nice," he said.

Ino looked at her apron. "I mean my hair and face! I'm going to change before our date, of course."

"Date?"

"With Kiba," said Ino.

"Oh." Chōji had known for a while now that she had drunk a love potion and fallen for Kiba, but he didn't think Kiba liked her back. "Does he know about this date?"

"Not yet," said Ino. "I'm going to surprise him!"

She continued humming and tending to the flowers. Chōji scratched his head, but then his stomach growled. He spotted a bowl on the counter and walked over. The bowl was filled with little red candies. Smiling, he took one, unwrapped it, and ate it. What flavor! He had to have a few more.

"These are delicious!" he said. "But when did you start giving away candy here?"

"We didn't," said Ino, and they looked at each other. She walked over and looked at the bowl. "Where did this come from?"

Chōji didn't answer. He thought he knew what was in these candies, though. If he was right, it wasn't too hard to guess who had put them there.

So this was love.

"I'd better throw these away," said Ino, picking up the bowl. "Don't eat those, Chōji."

He dropped the candies in his hand to the floor. They both bent down to pick them up, but their heads knocked into each other, and the bowl slipped from Ino's hands. Candies spilled out and scattered around their feet, and the bowl rolled off before clattering to a stop.

"Ouch! …Oh, great."

"Sorry," said Chōji. Ino crouched down, holding her head in one hand and reaching down with the other. "Wait. I'll do it."

Ino looked at him, and he got to his knees, starting to gather the candies into a pile.

"It's all right, Chōji, I can get them," she said.

"It's getting late. Don't you have to get ready for your date soon?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Ino. "But…"

"Don't worry. I'll clean this up and close up the shop for you."

"Okay," said Ino. She stood up and watched him for a moment. "See you."

Chōji watched her put away her apron and head for the door. "Ino!" he said, and she paused, looking back. Chōji hesitated. "…You look beautiful."

Ino blinked. Then she smiled. "Thanks."

"Have a great night," said Chōji.

"Bye."

Ino left, and Chōji finished cleaning up the candies, thinking how lucky Kiba was.

* * *

"Shino!" shouted Kiba. He was walking down the street and sniffing the air. Akamaru barked and ran off, and smiling, Kiba ran after him. "Did you find him?"

Akamaru led him to a tree, under which someone was sitting. Kiba walked around it to see the person's face and leapt back. It was Shino all right, but his clothes, hands, and face were swarming with so many of his insects that almost no cloth or skin was visible beyond the moving layer of black bugs. Shino turned his head and looked at his teammate in silence. Kiba stared at him as he stood up.

"W-what happened?" asked Kiba.

"…The love potion has started to affect my parasitic insects," said Shino. "Why now? I don't know. But they have been breeding much faster than usual."

"And they're doing it on your face?" asked Kiba, grimacing. Shino said nothing. "Um…Okay. Gross. Anyway, I've been looking all over for you. I wanted you to know that I know Ino loves me and you love her, and I'm not interested in her, so I won't come between you two. All right? She's all yours."

Shino stared at him. He looked like some black blob monster made of bugs, and Kiba avoided looking straight at him.

"…Shino?"

Shino staggered toward him, and Kiba took several hasty steps back.

"What are you doing? Shino?" Shino stumbled closer. "Shino, this isn't funny!"

"My insects," mumbled Shino. "I can't control them. They're feeding off too much of my chakra."

"What should I do?" asked Kiba, grabbing his head.

"You must…" Shino wobbled.

"What? I must what?"

"Get them off," said Shino.

"Right! But aren't they inside you, too?" asked Kiba.

"Get them off," repeated Shino. "I don't want to crush them when I fall."

"They're eating your chakra and you're worried about crushing them?"

Shino tried to gently brush the insects off his hands, but they just flew right back on.

"Shino, shouldn't you go to the hospital or something?" asked Kiba.

"I won't make it that far," said Shino. "Why? Because my chakra is…"

He wobbled and fell. Kiba caught him, but the insects began to swarm onto his hands and arms. "Agh! Get off!"

He shook his semiconscious teammate. Some of the insects fell or flew off, but even more crawled onto Kiba. "Screw you, stupid bugs!" He dropped Shino, who landed on his back and his insects with a sickening crunch, only a handful of the insects there flying off in time. Kiba swatted at the insects on his arms. When he got them all off, he looked down at his teammate. There was no other choice.

"Oh, you're gonna owe me one, Shino!" muttered Kiba. He reached down and lifted Shino off the ground. More insects immediately crawled onto him, but he did his best to ignore them. "Hey! Akamaru, think you can carry both of us?"

Akamaru barked and stepped closer. Cursing under his breath, Kiba heaved Shino onto the dog's back and held him up in a sitting position as he sat behind him. Akamaru's legs buckled slightly.

"All right. Let's take him to the hospital," said Kiba. Akamaru ran as fast as he could under the weight, and Kiba shuddered. He could feel the insects' tiny legs on his neck and face. Shaking his head did nothing. The urge to let go of Shino and brush off the insects was almost unbearable, but he couldn't let Shino fall.

"You better appreciate this!" muttered Kiba.

* * *

Tsunade clutched her forehead, staring at her desk. This was bad. This was really, really bad. At least half of the ninja and civilians in Konoha were drunk off love. At least half of all the missions that needed to be taken on had to be set aside, and some of them could not wait. Even after she ordered Yamato to leave Sakura alone, she and the other medical ninja were still working on an antidote. Also, if she was being honest, Yamato was probably not following her order anyway.

"Shizune!" shouted Tsunade. "…_Shizune_!"

The door burst open, and Shizune hurried in. "Yes, Tsunade-sama?" she said breathlessly.

"Bring me some sake," said Tsunade.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Shizune.

"I just need a little bit."

"But love potions have been snuck into food and drinks throughout the village. How do we know what's safe?"

Tsunade looked up at her. "I'm sure you can find some somewhere." There was a thud from the hall, and Tsunade paused. "…What was that?"

"Nothing!" said Shizune. "What was what?"

Tsunade stood up. "Is there someone out there?"

"Of course not!" said Shizune, smiling. The corner of her mouth twitched.

Tsunade narrowed her eyes and strode over to the door. She poked her head out of the doorway, looking down the hall. Leaning against the wall some ten feet away was Jiraiya. He looked dazed, but there was a wide smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?" asked Tsunade. Jiraiya looked at her and stood bolt upright.

"I came to tell you something," he said. "It was…important news! The medical ninja are getting real close to finishing an antidote."

"How do you know? Were you there with them?" asked Tsunade.

"I thought I'd check on how things were going," said Jiraiya.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "As long as you weren't checking on any of the women."

"Don't you trust me?" asked Jiraiya. "I come bearing good news, and you're suspicious!"

"Shizune, why didn't you tell me he was here?" asked Tsunade. She glanced back and saw that Shizune was blushing. When Tsunade looked at Jiraiya again, his eyes were averted. And so she understood. "Jiraiya…"

"I didn't do anything! I swear!" he said, holding up his hands.

"Then you better start explaining," said Tsunade. She started walking toward him.

"I just walked in," said Jiraiya. "She came over and kissed me!"

"You expect me to believe that?"

"You can search me! I don't have any love potions!" said Jiraiya.

Tsunade stopped in front of him, staring into his eyes. She looked over her shoulder. Shizune was watching from the door to her office.

"I told you love potions have been slipped into food and drinks," said Shizune. "I didn't know I had drunk one until I saw him. He's telling the truth."

Tsunade turned back to Jiraiya. He stepped back as her glare pierced him.

"Get out!" she said. "And stay away from Shizune!"

"She came on to me," said Jiraiya, taking another step back.

"And you let her!" said Tsunade. "Go! Get out!"

"I'm going! Don't get your panties in a knot!"

Tsunade raised her fist, and Jiraiya hurried off. She looked back at Shizune, who swallowed, a sweat drop trickling down her forehead.

"You _kissed_ him?" said Tsunade.

"I don't know what I was thinking!" said Shizune. "It just sort of…happened!"

Tsunade closed her eyes, breathing deeply. "I'll get the sake myself. In the meantime, send for Kakashi Hatake, Shikaku Nara, Tsume Inuzuka, and Shibi Aburame. Have them wait for me in my office."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," said Shizune. The Hokage walked off down the hall, her green coat billowing behind her. Shizune stared at the kanji on her back: "gamble."

"That woman with the potions is through messing with my village," said Tsunade. "We'll catch her within twenty-four hours. I'd bet my position as Hokage on it!"


	10. Plans of Love and Capture

**Chapter 10: Plans of Love and Capture**

They looked over as the door opened and Kakashi stepped into the office.

"You're late," said Tsunade.

"My apologies," said Kakashi. "Someone was pestering me and I had to slip away."

Kuromaru flicked his tail and Tsume crossed her arms. "We've been waiting for half an hour!"

"Now that you're all here, let's get to it," said Tsunade. "Tsume, how has the search been going?"

"We can't find hide or hair of her," said Tsume. "We can't catch a whiff of her, and when we smell her potions, it only leads us to some idiot who bought a potion and hid it instead of turning it in."

"And Shibi?"

Tsume, Kakashi and Shikaku looked over their shoulders in surprise. None of them had noticed Shibi standing by the wall.

"No sight of her," he said.

Tsunade took a draft of sake from her cup. "We have to stop her. She's contaminated the supplies of just about every restaurant in Konoha. Kakashi…Shikaku…what are your thoughts?"

"We should send some ninja to watch over the supplies that she hasn't yet reached," said Shikaku. "She seems too intelligent to walk into our hands, but it will preserve what we have left."

Tsume smiled at Shikaku and stepped closer to him. "You're more intelligent than she is. We'll catch her in no time with you on our side."

She seized his hand, but he pulled it free. The others stared. Kuromaru sighed.

"Don't tell me…" said Tsunade.

"I'd rather not," said Shikaku. "It's a long story."

He smiled uncomfortably as Tsume watched him.

"Is this going to be a problem?" asked Tsunade.

"No, Hokage-sama," said Shikaku.

A hand grabbed his butt. He tensed, and Tsume smirked.

Tsunade sighed. "Kakashi, stand between them."

Kakashi gave a nod and pulled the two apart, stepping between them. Tsume frowned, but Shikaku glanced at Kakashi with relief.

"Now," said Tsunade. "How about your thoughts, Kakashi?"

"If we put our supplies under surveillance, she'll find another way to spread the potions, and it could get nasty. Yet it may give us some time, and that's what we need—time to complete the antidote."

"I was told that the antidote is almost finished," said Tsunade. "Our main concern right now is catching that woman."

"Of course. I would suggest luring her into a trap," said Kakashi. "If—"

There was a knock on the door. Tsunade frowned and said, "What is it?"

The door opened slightly, and Shizune peeked through. "It's Temari-san from Sunagakure. She wishes to speak with you, Tsunade-sama."

"Can it wait?" asked Tsunade.

"She says it's urgent."

Tsunade sighed. "Excuse me." She stood up and left the room, closing the door behind her. Shizune and Temari stood just outside her office, and while Shizune stepped back, Temari stepped right up to Tsunade's face.

"Do you have any idea what's happening right now?" asked Temari. "The Kazekage is going from building to building, bursting into people's houses trying to find Naruto!"

"Isn't it your job to watch over him?" asked Tsunade, crossing her arms.

"We're doing what we can, but this won't stop until we get that antidote! Isn't it done yet?"

"Not quite. I'm busy with a bigger problem right now, so unless he's hurting people or damaging property, this isn't so urgent and you should solve the problem yourself."

"We're your guests!" said Temari, curling her hands into fists. "We can't even eat or drink anything, because everything is spiked with love potion!"

"Shizune, find some uncontaminated food and drink for them," said Tsunade. "Anything else I can get for you?"

"An antidote. As soon as one is ready, I expect it to go to Gaara!"

"I assure you he's on the top of the list. Now please, control your brother."

Temari glared at her before storming away, Shizune at her heels. Tsunade walked back into her office and sat down.

"I apologize about that," she said. "Please continue, Kakashi."

He nodded. "If our best tracking ninja can't find her, then we have to look at this from a different angle. Rather than focus on where she is, we should focus on where she might go next. We need to think like her to know where that might be. While she started out selling the potions, I believe her main goal is to spread love, not to earn money. That's why she's slipping potions into everything she can get her hands on. The first step is to protect what supplies we have left, or we won't have anything safe to consume. But like Shikaku said, she's too intelligent to walk into our hands, so guarding our supplies won't help us catch her. We need to think ahead, and understand what our actions will compel her to do in response."

"No problem," said Tsume. "We've got the best strategist in the world right here." She shoved Kakashi aside and stepped closer to Shikaku again. "What's the hag going to do?"

Shikaku took a step away and addressed Tsunade as though she had asked the question. "She sold potions until you started confiscating them, and then she moved on to more effective methods: stealth and trickery. If we find every place where she can implement those methods—including all the sources of food and drink she has yet to fill with love potion—she'll be backed into a corner and will likely resort to using force. This could mean something as direct as forcing potions down people's throats, but it's far more probable that she'll take an indirect approach."

"How do you do it?" asked Tsume.

"It's simple logic," said Shikaku.

"Not that." Tsume smirked and drew closer. "How do you make logic sound so sexy?"

Kakashi pushed her aside and stood between them again. "Let's not get sidetracked."

"Shikaku," whispered Tsume, bending forward and looking past Kakashi at Shikaku's face. "I liked the part about forcing things down people's throats."

She smiled and poked her tongue out from between her teeth. Although pale, Shikaku stood with his gaze fixed ahead at the dark window, and his voice remained level.

"You do realize I'm married, don't you?"

"Oh, I won't tell. Why don't we meet at my house after this? I'll make you forget all about that troublesome wife of yours."

Kakashi was amazed by Shikaku's composure. He felt uncomfortable just standing between the two of them. Also amazing was Tsume's boldness, saying these things in front of all of them. Tsunade's eye twitched, and Shibi remained in the background like a piece of furniture, showing just as much emotion.

"Do I have to ask you to leave?" asked Tsunade.

"Of course not," said Tsume. She straightened up and continued to smile. Tsunade watched her for a moment before looking back at Shikaku.

"Could you elaborate on how she'll probably take an indirect—?"

Someone knocked on the door again. The sound was more rapid and frantic than before.

"What now?" snapped Tsunade.

The door swung open before Tsunade even finished speaking. It was two chūnin; the one in front had a bruise over one eye, his vest was torn down the front, and blood trickled down his forehead. Behind him, the other chūnin looked unhurt but just as flustered. The first one opened his mouth and his words tumbled out. "Hokage-sama, a fight broke out in the middle of the village! Several people have been rushed to the hospital!"

"Is it under control?" asked Tsunade, rising. They all watched the young man's sweaty face.

"It's already over. The one who started the fight was among those injured. It looks like none of the injuries were too serious, but several houses have been damaged."

Tsunade relaxed slightly. "Who started the fight?"

The chūnin glanced at Shikaku. "It was…Shikamaru Nara."

Shikaku's hands clenched. Tsunade looked from him to the chūnin.

"You need the hospital as well," she said. "Go on."

The second chūnin took the first by the arm and led him out, whispering with concern. Tsume, Kakashi and Shikaku looked back at Tsunade. She closed her eyes for a moment.

"Go see your son, Shikaku."

"If you need me here—"

"I appreciate your analysis and your willingness to help, but we can take it from here. Stop by later and I'll give you the details of our plan."

Shikaku bowed his head and left. The door closed with a thud, and Tsunade sat back down. Tsume was frowning and Kakashi appeared lost in thought.

"The problems are escalating," said Tsunade. "It's all because of that woman. What are you thinking, Kakashi?"

"I was just wondering what she thought about all this," said Kakashi. "If she really wants to spread love, she must be troubled by the violence her potions have caused. Perhaps she'll try doing something to fix it."

Tsume crossed her arms. "You think she's gonna switch to our side?"

"I think she's going to try to fix the problem. That doesn't mean we'll agree with her solution."

"If she thinks so highly of love," said Tsunade, "she might think love is the answer. If everyone in Konoha was in love…that wouldn't stop the violence. Not everyone would pair off into happy couples. There would be unrequited love, jealousy, and revenge. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…"

"Clearly, the only viable solution is the antidotes," said Kakashi.

Tsunade nodded. "Seeing as they're almost complete, that brings us back to the main problem. What will she try next, and how can we stop her? Does anyone have any ideas?"

"She'll want to spread the potion to as many people as she can in as little time as possible," said Kakashi. "Perhaps she'll make use of some sort of device or weapon that can inject the potion into anyone she targets."

"Eye contact is necessary for the potions to work. As a precaution, we can distribute dark glasses to everyone."

They all looked over at Shibi.

"…That's right," said Tsunade. "What a simple way to prevent anyone else from falling in love. But where would we get enough glasses for everyone in Konoha?"

Before anyone could answer, there was another knock on the door. Tsunade jumped to her feet and said, "Dammit, this better be important!"

There was a pause. Then the door opened, and Shizune glanced inside.

"I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama. I just got word from the hospital that Shino Aburame is in the emergency room. The love potion is affecting his parasitic insects; they're breeding rapidly and consuming his chakra. The medical ninja are trying to keep him stable, but they think another Aburame could use their insects to extract the potion."

Tsunade looked at Shibi. "Go."

He didn't need telling twice. With a short nod, he dashed out past Shizune. She closed the door and Tsunade sat back down.

"Tsume, your children aren't going to wind up in the hospital too, right?"

"They haven't drunk any love potions, so I should hope not," said Tsume.

Kakashi wondered about Naruto until Tsunade continued.

"If the Aburame can remove the potions, that should make an antidote unnecessary. Except their insects would become affected instead, wouldn't they? Well, we don't need a swarm of chakra-eating bugs all over Konoha…" She sighed. "Shibi's taking a risk to save his son. That woman needs to understand what real love is."

Tsume glanced away, and there was a moment of silence.

"All right," said Tsunade. "Kakashi, I want you and Guy to get a hold of as many dark glasses as you can find and start distributing them—"

"No," said Kakashi.

Tsunade and Tsume stared at him. He stood there, tense.

"That's…not the best idea."

"Oh? Explain," said Tsunade.

"Guy is not doing so well. I can do this myself."

"Not doing well? What do you mean?"

"He drank a love potion…"

Tsume burst into laughter. "I heard about that! And he fell for you, right? That's why you don't want to work with him!"

"Why haven't I heard about this?" asked Tsunade.

"I don't know, Hokage-sama," said Kakashi. He glanced away, looking sick as Tsume howled with laughter beside him.

"You should have told me sooner," said Tsunade. "Fine. You can find someone else to help you, but don't do it yourself or it will take too long. I want everyone to know that they have to wear the glasses until the potion seller is caught. And that's an order!"

"Understood."

Tsunade leaned back in her chair. "We haven't come up with an actual plan to catch her. We can assume she'll try to use force, but without knowing for certain the specifics, we can only prepare for the worst. The glasses should—"

_Bang_. The sound came not from the door, but the window. Behind Tsunade, his whole body pressed to the glass outside like a giant green bird that had flown too low in the darkness and forgotten to swerve, Guy looked right at Kakashi and grinned.

"There you are!" he shouted.

Tsunade looked behind her chair. "Guy! What are you doing on my window?"

"Kakashi, my dove! Don't hide away! Accept my love!"

Kakashi stood his ground, or perhaps he just couldn't move. Tsume slapped him on the back.

"You got yourself a real winner!"

"Get down from there!" said Tsunade.

"Wait for me, Kakashi! I'm coming in!" declared Guy. He fogged the glass with his breath, drew a heart, and winked. Then he peeled himself off the window and dropped out of sight.

Tsunade looked at Kakashi. "Is he the reason you were late?"

"Yes," said Kakashi. "Would the meeting be over by any chance?"

"I suppose there's not much more to say," said Tsunade. "You have your assignment, and you know to keep an eye out for that woman. She'll have to come out of hiding if she wants to use force. And Tsume, I'm giving you and your clan the mission of guarding the supplies that haven't been tampered with. I'll send some more ninja to help."

Kakashi glanced at the window, but he was concentrating on the door behind him.

Tsunade sighed. "Dismissed."

The first one out, Kakashi made it halfway down the hall before Guy appeared around the corner and sprinted toward him.

"Kakashi!"

He leapt forward with his arms outstretched. Kakashi sidestepped him at the last second and Guy crashed to the floor, his face skidding along for several feet. Tsume stopped in front of him and watched as he sprang to his feet and spun around.

"Don't be so shy, Kakashi! Is it because there is someone watching? I would gladly shout my love for you in front of the whole world!"

"Aw, give him time," said Tsume, smiling and walking past them. "I'll just give you two some privacy. Have fun, now!"

She and Kuromaru disappeared around the corner. Guy stepped toward Kakashi, who backed away. Then he paused at a sudden inspiration.

"Guy! I need a favor," he said.

"Oh?" Guy jumped forward and grasped Kakashi's shoulders, staring into his eye. "Anything for you, my love!"

"It's of utmost importance," said Kakashi. "It must be done at once. I've tried myself and failed. Can you handle it?"

"Yes! Yes, what is it?"

"I need you to find the woman who has been spreading love potions around. Find her, and bring her to the Hokage."

"I will not rest until I find her!" said Guy. "If I fail you, I will buy you a present every day for the rest of my life!"

He struck his nice guy pose and ran off down the hall. Kakashi watched him disappear. Guy would probably have no more luck than they had, and that meant he wouldn't bother Kakashi anymore, at least for a while. If by some miracle he did find the woman, then that solved another problem. It was a win either way. Smiling, Kakashi headed out to find some dark glasses.

* * *

Kankurō stuffed his brother into Black Ant's torso and the puppet closed, trapping him. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, Kankurō leaned against the nearest house. Black Ant shook and Gaara's voice and a pounding noise could be heard from inside.

"Kankurō! Let me out! I'm warning you!"

"It's for your own good," said Kankurō. "You can't just break into people's houses! Naruto's not hiding in any of them!"

"You can't know that!" said Gaara.

"Just leave him alone! You're freaking him out—and everyone else, too!"

Black Ant stopped shaking and Gaara fell silent. Kankurō watched his puppet uncertainly. Then it burst apart, and sand and pieces of the puppet flew in every direction. Kankurō shielded his face with his arm and Gaara ran off down the street. Rather than chase him, Kankurō lowered his arm and gaped in horror at the fragments of his puppet.

"Black Ant!" he cried.

"What happened?"

Temari had returned. She looked from her brother to the broken puppet.

"Gaara destroyed Black Ant!"

"Which way did he go?" asked Temari.

Kankurō bent down and picked up half of his puppet's face. "Black Ant…"

"Oh for crying out loud! It's a puppet! You can fix it later! Where's Gaara?"

Lowering his head, Kankurō pointed down the street.

"Well, come on!" said Temari, rushing off. Kankurō started picking up the pieces of his puppet. Temari looked back, paused, and snapped, "Kankurō!"

Muttering, he ran after Temari, carrying the fragments in his arms.

* * *

Shikamaru's eyes flickered open. He was gazing up at the ceiling of the hospital room. He could remember being brought here, and when he had tried to leave, the medical ninja had tranquilized him. How long had he been lying here?

Then he remembered why he had tried to leave in the first place—Hinata was hurt. Sitting bolt upright, Shikamaru scrambled out of the bed. The moment he stood, pain shot up his bandaged right leg and he tumbled to the cold floor, landing on his elbow and sending more pain down his arm and hand. He hissed a curse and clutched his arm as it went numb. The door opened and he looked up. His father stood there, staring back down at him.

Without a word, Shikaku stepped over and helped his son to his feet. Shikamaru stood on his left foot, keeping his weight off his right leg, and his father sat him down on the edge of the bed.

"I have to see Hinata," said Shikamaru.

"No, you don't," said Shikaku. "She's fine."

"Have you seen her?"

"Yes. She has a scratch on her face, nothing more."

Shikamaru looked down at his arm and gave it a squeeze. "I know this is my fault."

"You're right," said Shikaku. His son looked back at him. "I don't know how you got away from all those Nara, but I can't believe you would be so desperate, foolish, and arrogant as to start a fight with sixteen Hyūga and eleven other chūnin and jōnin."

Shikamaru started to avert his eyes, but he faltered and looked back when his father smiled.

"This, more than anything else you've done, shows how powerful that potion is. I know what it's like to be in love. You think I didn't do stupid things when I fell in love with your mother?"

He sat down beside Shikamaru and watched him. Shikamaru looked at the floor.

"It's so troublesome…"

"…but you can't help it," finished Shikaku. "I understand. But before long, the antidotes will be ready."

Shikamaru closed his eyes. He had never felt this way about anyone before. When the time came, would he be willing to take the antidote? His father grabbed his shoulder and they looked at each other.

"You'll find love again," said Shikaku. "Naturally, next time."

Shikamaru looked over at the door, wondering when next time would come. Shikaku pulled his hand away from his son's shoulder, glancing away. They sat there in silence for a long, awkward moment before Shikaku spoke again.

"So, did you…you know…you and Hinata Hyūga…"

Shikamaru turned pink. "No! No, we didn't. She…still loves someone else. Even if she had wanted to…I would've said no."

"Really?"

"What we have together is fake… I won't let something like that ruin what's real for her."

Shikaku smiled. "You're quite the gentleman, aren't you? You know…what you have isn't so fake after all."

* * *

Shino stirred. Where was he? He was lying in a bed, and someone was beside him. He felt oddly exposed: his clothes had been changed, and he couldn't feel his insects on his skin.

"How do you feel?"

He turned his head and saw his father standing over him. A few feet behind Shibi stood a medical ninja, and Shino understood he was in the hospital. That explained the change of clothes.

"I removed the potion," said Shibi.

Shino remained silent. The potion was gone? Yes…Ino…was just Ino again. The thought of her face no longer roused his heart. He felt a little empty, but thinking back to his earlier actions, he realized what a fool love had made him.

"…Thank you," he said.

Shibi nodded. Then they were both silent for a while. Shino remembered what had happened before he passed out, and he decided to ask.

"Where is Kiba?"

The medical ninja looked over. "He's waiting outside. Would you like me to get him?"

"Yes."

* * *

Kiba sat there, watching Akamaru scratch behind his ear.

"Still got 'em on you?" he asked. "Stupid bugs…"

Just then, he felt something crawling at the back of his neck, and he hurriedly brushed it off.

"Dammit! I thought I got them all…"

As if to prove him wrong again, another insect tickled at his back. He shivered and slammed his back against the wall behind him.

"Take that!"

Someone walked up to him. "Kiba Inuzuka. He's ready to see you."

Kiba looked up at the medical ninja and rose to his feet. "Oh, good. Come on, Akamaru."

They followed the medical ninja into the room where Shino lay. Kiba approached the bed and stopped beside Shibi, looking down at his teammate.

"Hey," said Kiba. "Feeling better?"

"Did you get them off?" asked Shino.

Kiba blinked. "Eh? You mean your bugs?"

Shino only stared at him.

"Uh, well, you fell, and I caught you and brought you here."

"So none of my insects were crushed?"

"Right," said Kiba. Both Shino and Shibi watched him. "…All right, fine! I dropped you once! Some of them got squashed! No big deal, right?"

Shino stared at him as though he had just admitted to slaughtering a village full of people.

"Look, I'm sorry," said Kiba. "But I saved your life! The least you could do is show a little gratitude!"

Shino looked away. Kiba frowned in disbelief.

"Are bugs more important than your life?"

"I appreciate your help," said Shino.

Kiba looked from him to Shibi.

"…Even a tiny insect has half a soul," said Shibi.

"They were killing him!" said Kiba. "Ugh… I shouldn't have to justify this!"

He left with Akamaru at his heels. Halfway down the hall, someone called his name and he paused, looking over his shoulder.

"Mom? What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," said Tsume. She and Kuromaru walked over and stopped beside him. "I heard your teammate was in the hospital."

Kiba sighed. "I brought him here, and he's just mad that I squashed some of his bugs!"

"You squashed an Aburame's bugs?" Tsume laughed. "That's a good way to get on their bad side. They're a little obsessive about their insects, but I'm sure he and his father are grateful for your help. Don't worry about it."

"Why were you looking for me, anyway?" asked Kiba.

"We got a mission. But first…do you know which room Shikamaru Nara is being kept in?"

"Shikamaru? I didn't know he was in the hospital!" Kiba frowned. "Why do you want to know?"

"I want a word with his father, and that's where I'll find him," said Tsume. She sniffed the air. "Aha! There he is!"

She ran off down the hall, and Kiba, Akamaru and Kuromaru followed. A few turned corners later, they reached the right door and Tsume opened it.

Still sitting on the edge of the bed, Shikamaru and Shikaku looked up, and the latter froze. "Tsume! What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" She smiled and stepped forward. Kiba and Shikamaru glanced at each other, and Kiba shrugged. Stopping in front of the two Nara, Tsume gave Shikamaru a pat on the head, rather like she might pat a dog's head. "I wanted to make sure your son was all right."

"Like the chūnin said, no one was injured too severely," said Shikaku. Shikamaru frowned at Tsume as she chuckled.

"Yes, what a relief."

"Why did you really come?" asked Shikamaru.

"I came to speak to your father," said Tsume. "Could you give us some privacy?"

"This is my hospital bed," said Shikamaru. "My leg is injured. You're asking me to leave?"

"Right, right, of course. We'll talk outside. In the meantime, why don't you and Kiba catch up?"

Shikamaru watched her grab Shikaku's arm and pull him to his feet.

"For the last time, no," said Shikaku. He jerked his arm free. Shikamaru blinked.

"You're kidding me," he said. "When did she drink a love potion?"

"What?" said Kiba. He looked at his mother. "Oh, God! Mom, do you—?"

"It's no secret," said Tsume. She stroked Shikaku's goatee, and he pushed her hand away.

"Don't you have something better to do than chase after a married man?" he asked.

"Maybe," said Tsume, "but it's not as fun! You should learn to have some fun every once in a while. I could be your teacher…"

She drew closer and draped her arms around his neck. Kiba and Shikamaru felt their faces grow warm.

"Eww! Mom, don't!" said Kiba.

Tsume moved in for a kiss, but Shikaku pushed her away. "I'm not interested. We have work to do. Get some rest, Shikamaru."

He walked past her, and Kiba stepped out of the doorway. Shikaku left, Tsume chased him, and Kuromaru looked disgruntled as he brought up the rear. Shikamaru scratched the back of his head, and he and Kiba avoided each other's gaze.

* * *

Lee slumped down on a bench with a heavy sigh. He gazed at the moon for a while before lowering his head. After a few minutes, a low sound of rapid footsteps rose up in the distance and grew louder, and he looked to his left. A man in green appeared around a far off corner.

"Guy-sensei?"

Guy was approaching fast, kicking up a cloud of dirt behind him. "Lee!" he shouted. "Come with me!"

Guy zoomed past the bench, and Lee's hair went flying back in his wake.

"Yes, Guy-sensei!"

Lee leapt to his feet and ran after his sensei. Guy slowed down only enough to let him catch up, and then they were both speeding through the village side by side.

"Lee, what's the matter?" asked Guy.

"It is…Neji," said Lee. "I have tried to tell him how I feel, but he will not listen!"

"I understand!" said Guy. "You must not lose hope! I aim to prove my own love to Kakashi, whatever it takes!"

"How will you do that?" asked Lee.

"He asked for a favor, and despite difficulty, the power of love will aid you in accomplishing anything!"

"Guy-sensei! Your wise words of encouragement have inspired me! I will do whatever it takes to show Neji the depth of my love!"

"Good luck, Lee!"

"Good luck, Guy-sensei!"

They ran their separate ways.

* * *

Hinata and Neji stepped out of the hospital room. Neji looked at his cousin and the bandage on her cheek.

"Stop blaming yourself, Hinata-sama," he said. "Shikamaru is the one who started the fight."

"He was only trying to protect me," said Hinata.

Neji glanced at his bandaged arm. "He need not have worried. We were also trying to protect you. You should not have run away."

"I will not be a prisoner!" said Hinata. "Keeping me locked away is not the same as protecting me! If everyone would accept our love, the fight would not have happened, and no one would have gotten hurt!"

"We cannot accept a love forged by a potion," said Neji. "You will understand when—"

"Neji!"

He turned around and saw Lee charging down the hall toward him. Eyes widening, he lifted his uninjured arm, but Lee tripped and crashed into him. They toppled to the floor. Naturally, Lee fell on top of Neji in just the right position for their lips to lock.

Hinata stared down at them, her fingers over her mouth. His face paler than Sai's, Neji grabbed Lee and flung him off into the wall. Neji sat up and furiously wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve. Lee's face was scarlet, and he couldn't move.

"Neji-nīsan," murmured Hinata.

Neji looked at Lee and spat, "How dare you!"

"I…I-I!" stammered Lee. He scrambled to his feet and bowed low. "I am so sorry! It was an accident!"

"Lee…!"

They all looked over and saw Tenten standing at the end of the hall. Her hands were in fists, her expression dark.

"Neji…!"

Neji stood up and backed away. Tenten stepped toward them. Straightening up, Lee backed over to Neji's side.

"Tenten?" said Lee, his voice rife with uncertainty.

"You think you can steal a kiss and call it an accident?"

"But it was!"

Lee and Neji continued to back away as Tenten strode faster.

"Why are you angry with _me_?" asked Neji.

"You're my rival!" said Tenten.

"Rival?" Lee blinked, clueless.

"Lee, you sexy idiot!"

She grabbed him and shook him like a rag doll. Hinata decided this was the perfect opportunity to slip away and find Shikamaru. She gave herself a mental note to thank Tenten later.

* * *

Naruto slammed the front door shut and collapsed against it, panting. He had seen Gaara once or twice on the way to his house. Much to his clone's displeasure, he had sent it across the village to lead Gaara away. It had been a long shot, and Naruto couldn't believe Gaara had actually chased the clone. It would give him a little time.

After catching his breath, Naruto locked the door and slipped off his shoes. His house was peaceful and comforting after all that running for his life. He walked down the hall to his bedroom; it was late, and he was ready to get some sleep…or at least try.

Reaching his door, he paused. Then he shook his head. This whole situation had made him paranoid. He grasped the doorknob and opened the door a crack. Peeking through, he looked over at the window. It was closed and there was no sand outside. Just darkness. Opening the door the rest of the way, Naruto stepped into his bedroom. Then he stopped dead.

There were no flowers or chocolates on his bed. There were no presents of any kind. Leaning back, propped against his pillow, wearing nothing but pants, Gaara smiled at Naruto.

"I saw through your little clone trick. So you want to play games? I'd love to play with you, Naruto."


End file.
